12 Things to be Thankful for...

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8 (or under)MeMe

Emily has me thinking of...

8 things I am passionate about:
Bible
the church of Christ
Family
Friends
Scheduling/Organizing
/Being Balanced
Books
Blogging

8 things I want to do before I die:
Love More
Be merrier
Overcome Bipolarisms
Overcome my worrying nature
Be a competent speaker
Understand more
Be a Kokum (ie Grandma in Cree...some day...)
Be a Highly Effective Person

8 Things I say often:
Eh?
What?
Pardon me
Uh
I don't know
Sorry

8 books I've read recently:
Bible
Seven Habits for Highly Effective People by Steven Covey
Klee Wyck by Emily Carr
Dr. Swarthmore by Alexander Scala
...uh
what?

8 songs I could listen to over and over again:
Everything's Alright from Jesus Christ Superstar
Pilate's Dream from Jesus Christ Superstar
Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple (tell you about it later...)
I Don't Know How to Say Good-Bye by Andy and David Williams (tell you about it later...)
I Can See Clearly Now by...uh

8 things that attract me to my friends:
Spiritual
Good listener
Sense of Humor
Compassionate
Genuine
Honest
Understanding
Think I am someone special

8 People who should do this "MeMe":
Mompoet
RDL
Aurora
Kai
Sarah
Imran
Wandi
J. Andrew (in 31 syllables)

My girlfriend, Mango, and I went to see the rock opera, Jesus Christ, Superstar. We first saw the movie 33 years ago. We went to almost every show in our small town’s theatre. I was 15. We both were smitten with the handsome, Ted Neeley who portrayed Jesus. We performed this rock opera over and over again, taking turns singing and reenacting all of the roles along with the album.

In 2007, Ted Neeley looks his age but he still hits those high notes and amazed us all in the Garden of Gethsemane. At the show’s end, they turned the lights on the audience’s hearty standing ovation.

This show had a major spiritual impact on us as teenagers. For the first time, we felt the reality of the gospel. A seed was planted.

Sing!

Britain's Got Talent 2007 Winner

'Cause Saturday night's the night I like...

Saturday night's alright, alright, alright.






















My Daughter says it is my favorite day...




because that is when I plan the next week's schedule.

Alright!

Healing...

I cut my index finger the other day as I was making supper. The knife was sharp. It made a small but clean slice. Holding a kleenex tightly around the wound stopped the bleeding. I carried on.

A few days later, I looked at the flap of skin. It looked like it still might be raw underneath. I was hesitant to look closer but I did anyways.

The flap lifted away easily and revealed new skin.

I told myself. "It would be nice if you kept your concerned blogpals updated on how you are doing sans lithium..."

So here you are-

I took the this week off from work so I could work on our home budget (and stop the lithium at the same time. Bad combination?)

I like sorting things so I had a lot of fun placing the year's bank transactions into the different expenditure columns of the budget program we have. I felt kinda high and jumpy inside, afterwards. Really, I lead such an exciting life...

Anyways, to calm myself down, I did some Qui Gong and a quick pre-blog meditation. I imagined that I was sitting by the sea like the character in Alexander Scala's novel I just finished reading.
Dr. Swarthmore experienced a revelation as he sat by the ocean. So I imagined being beside God and feeling His immense presence. I felt little but in harmony with God and the rhythm of the sea.

Does that sound high?

The Race

Every couple of months, I indulge myself with time off from my scheduled hectic life. I call it my downtime. I try to limit this time to two days because I have found that in the past, this time of inactivity can be guilt invoking and lead to a type of induced depression. This time, however, has been a delicious exception.

For the last couple of days, I have allowed this time to be a healing experience. It is especially significant for me because I planned to use this time to initiate my freedom from the drug Lithium.

I became a Christian in 1991, baptized into Christ's body. Since then Jesus has been changing me, not miraculously, but by the natural progression of living and facing life with God's goodness. Through the power of faith, I have overcome an eating disorder. Now, I am ready to face another mental illness, Bipolar Disorder or Manic/Depression.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 1988. I had been taking lithium ever since. I had not experienced any further mania but I continued to struggle with depression and anxiety over the years.
Do not think that I decided to go off the Lithium impulsively as I was content to remain on it for the rest of my life.

I met a someone who was to become a major influence in my life. He believed after our many conversations that I would one day be able to stop taking the medication. He repeatedly told me that nothing was the matter with my thinking.
I tentatively came to believe that this would be possible some day.

In 2001, I attended a seminar given through work by a Canadian Olympian, Silken Laumann. She was a rower and was training for the 1992 Olympics when she was in a rowing accident that ripped her muscles apart. Through the medical skill of others and her own determination and self-discipline, she endured 5 operations on her ravaged leg. She managed to still compete in the Olympics which was only 11 weeks from the time of her accident. She won bronze.

After her motivational speech, I made my way up to her and told her that I had Bipolar Disorder. She asked me, "Do you think you can overcome it?" I looked steadfastedly back into her eyes, and said, "Yes!" She could see in my eyes that I meant it.
Now, 6 years later, I am ready to face this challenge.

Yesterday evening as I was wondering how to spend some more of my precious downtime hours, I came across the tv movie of her life that I taped several years ago. It seemed a fitting time to watch it.

God is my Rock.

I don't know if I will win bronze or gold in this race against my mental illness, but this is my moment to give it all I got...

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

A snapdragon? I need a nap...

12 More...

reasons to say "Thank You"
1. I took the chance to sleep in,aaah.
2. I got out of bed with a phonecall from a Sister-in-Christ.
3. an ex-Toastmaster friend (not an ex-friend) joined up at the same gym as I.
4. I had some brain exercise today too. I've been doing crosswords.
5. My Husband picked up pizza from Safeway for supper tonight.
6. I practised with the "band" this evening.
7. The Kids and I watched tv this evening as well.
8. They are great Kids!
9. I relaxed on the couch with a hot water bottle. It soothed my achin' muscles..
10. 2/3 Kids cleaned their bedrooms.
11. My lunch is made for work tomorrow- leftover pizza.
12. What a nice day!

Friends of the Friendless Marching Band

As I visited my Blog friends this evening,
I realized how many of the friendships formed in the FFMB
still exist and have developed.
Hats off to you all!
I am very proud.
What I set out to accomplish,
I accomplished
in you!

12 Things I am Thankful that I Learned Today...

1. be responsible
2. and accountable
3. ie. don't blame others
4. be prepared
5. think for myself
6. don't expect others to know more than I know
7. pay attention to the way things are supposed to be (know the rules)
8. but know when to be creative
9. and original
10. be nice
11. and hospitable
12. have fun

"To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever." Psalm 30:12

I have been keeping a list of one dozen reasons to be thankful. I find that this helps to relax me for the night.

Here is today's top 12...

1. a Husband who thinks Win/Win.
2. his hard work to take care of his family.
3. a Daughter's happiness at being a Christian,
4. her love of the Scriptures
5. and her love of the Brethren.
6. a Son for his notable improvement at school,
7. his creativity
8. and originality!
9. another Daughter's pleasant, easygoing nature,
10 she is a hard worker
11. and she likes to hang out with me.
12. this time of life.

The Good Seed

I want to introduce another blog I have started along with my friend and sister-in-Christ, Mango. Our aim is to share with others what we have learned in our study of the Scriptures.

I hope you will join us there.

Worthy

We were thrown from a train,
miraculously freed from a careless conductor.
I escaped unharmed while she lay wounded by the tracks.
I closed my eyes, repelled by the gashes on her hands and feet.
Blindly, I held her and cried for help.

A physician arrived,
strangely enough, on a stretcher.
His form flickered like a flame.
The wounded woman, herself, flickered in my arms.
Ministering to the woman, the physician and I,
I held her hand while he washed her feet.

She glistened as a shining pearl ring
appeared on her finger.
We looked with love into each other.

Pro 15:15 " he that is of a cheerful heart hath a continual feast. "

Tonight, my Daughter walked into room with a big smile on her face. I asked her why she was smiling as she grinned at me.
"Tell me," I asked, "I want to smile too."
She said, "I smile naturally!"

"Must be nice," I replied, smiling back.

A Book Meme...

Okay Aurora...

Total number of books owned:
Last time I took inventory the count was 480... but that was 2 years ago...

Last book bought: was from a second hand book sale. Amongst my purchases there, I bought a collection of Mark Twain's short stories.

Last book read: was Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. It left a lasting impression. My day includes a talk with the bird on my shoulder. I ask, "Is it today?"

Five books that mean a lot to me:

1.) The greatest priviledge is reading God's Word.

2.) Anna Karenina. I learned a lot about people from Tolstoy's characters.

3.) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Actually, I have not finished reading this yet. I am working on the 3rd habit which is about scheduling, a favorite past time for me. This is definitely the best self help book that I have ever read.

4.) Who Has Seen the Wind by W. O. Mitchell. This novel is very special to me as it introduced me to the wonders of literature. This book also captures the prairies, which I love.

5.) I love the romantic book, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Sigh...

I am going to leave this tag open to other book lovers out there.

1. Pearl-see comment section
   
2. 
   

I am Still Here...

Dear Blog Pals,
I am down to 1 tablet of lithium from the 4, I was taking 7 months ago. I have been feeling amazingly well. I still have some anxiety at times but am reaching levels of well being that I haven’t in a long time. This is not a mania but a calmful joy as I told my therapist. I am BUSY, for sure but also happy and grateful.

I have not been doing a lot of writing except for journalling and emails.

Currently, I am organizing a talent show for a church gathering. I feel almost like a conductor in a marching band, for real this time, although tuba-less.

Excerpts from a Life: An Epilogue

In my series of excerpts from my journals in the 70's, I talked a lot about my crush on Chevy, a fellow student at my High School. I lost weight and became anorexic in trying to win this boy but to no avail. I never even talked to him, except to ask for his autograph in my Grade 11 yearbook.



Epilogue: August 3, 2007

I was at my 30th High School Reunion this weekend.
At the evening get together, I told my Husband that I was looking for Chevy.
I noticed this fellow (a chunky man, kind of) with graying black hair and dark eyes. I looked at him and thought I might've known him. Our eyes met but I looked away, not knowing him after all. I had been looking at people like that ever since we arrived in my my hometown, trying to find faces that I might remember.

Then this kinda chunky man got up and I followed him (with my eyes). He walked up to me. "Hi Carol," he said. I looked quickly at his name tag and replied, "Hi Chevy."

Not wanting the moment to end, I invited him to sit down with my Husband and I. He proceeded to tell us, at record speed, his life story. I interrupted him at one point to ask, "Did you always talk this much?"

I felt like I was going to cry after a while; I knew my face showed it.

When Dreams Become Reality

I am travelling to my 30th high school reunion this weekend. Saturday night, we will gather to share our reflections. I am not sure what this will all entail, but I wrote this poem in honor of what we shared together in 1977.
The grad theme that year was Roads Beyond Our Own. I was not in favor of this choice at the time. I preferred the one in the title of this poem, but as you will read, both are signicant in this present.



When Dreams Become Reality

The person beside
the person behind
the person beyond
were writing languidly in class.

The Lit teacher desired relevancy to our words
so we doodled the dreamy margins
of the final journal pages of June
with corsages and boutonnieres.

Time enough to hope in black and white
before roads grow gnarled
with passion, luck and life.
The paths bent around the corner, unrevealed

until now. With eager faces,
we travel down opened notebooks,
fulfilling the theme of long ago
of seeking roads beyond our own.

Mothers and Guilt

She said I would receive her wedding ring
I protested
for I didn’t want to think of her dying
or of taking fidelity off her finger

So soon,
we were dividing the possessions
My sisters stated,
she wanted you to have the ring
I protested again

She was buried with it sparkling
but now every time rings are mentioned
I cringe and remember
I didn’t listen to her

Oh, I'm Okay

When someone asks how I am, I sometimes reply, “OK.” OK feels like a noncommittal word, meaning not great but not bad either. However, as a child, I used to think that the big red K on the Kellogg’s cereal box stood for OK. It was a healthy and bright word back then.

I realized, that I really didn’t know what OK meant. I looked it up in my Canadian Dictionary and discovered that it is an abbreviated form for the words, “orl (or oll) korrect". Further study into the etymology of OK revealed that the term originated in Boston newspapers in 1839. There was a humoristic fad at that time to reduce phrases to their initials then supply sometimes incorrect spellings in parenthesis. OK (oll korrect) should really have been OK (all correct). Get the joke? It wasn’t all correct!

After studying this word, OK, I found that it is a vague and even misleading term. So if you ask me how I am doing, I might be OK or might be OK in another more literal sense which actually means I’m not OK.

What a suitable word for all occasions.

Castles and Lairs

Fingers flicker
imitating dragons leaping
from page to page
casting fire and chivalry
over dew dropped fairy tales

Dragon Girl by Caroline Young

A Visit to Tara

in disarray,
your heart throbs
for tranquil kind thoughts

but stocking magazine mansions
with Chinese porcelains
and marble Athenas
will not satisfy
tomorrow

The Magus

A long time ago in 1982, I read a book by John Fowles titled "The Magus". At the time, I was heavily into tarot cards and found that the different roles of the cards came alive within this book. I was intrigued by analyzing this book and spent a lot of time with it. I must say though that today my philosophy differs somewhat from that which I discovered in this book.

When I read RDL's blog, When I Grow Up, I was amazed to read her request for someone to give her a book report on it. Finally, after all these years, my effort will be put to use. Here's for you, RDL...

The Magus

a book review

This novel is about the journey each man must take-the journey of the inexperienced Fool, of the Major Arcana(Tarot), existing only in the physical plan of consciousness into a man existing in harmony with his subconscious and conscious desires, being so aware of both, that they become one.

Urfe is the Fool of this novel, bound by earthly pleasures and unaware of the true love he desires , ie the love that exists in Alison, a girl he leaves for Greece. However, in Greece he meets the Magus, (Magician), Conchis, who helps him see what he couldn't see before- ie the unseen, his subconscious desires.

Urfe begins to understand what reality is-endless interactions. The masculine view is to see as objects whereas the feminine view is to see the relationships between objects; both are true. The individuals are what make the interactions possible.

Each man must achieve the power to discern what he considers good, what he considers wrong in order to relate himself successfully. But first he has to step above his material ambitions and not be ruled by carnal conscious desires. The man who does not accept or have his own philosophy, will remain the Fool.

This novel is rich in mystical symbolism, hard to understand but harder to put down.

Talisman

That is me
hanging from the rear view mirror
Balancing Feather

A stranger asks
"how are you?"
I shake, smile
and answer
good
she smiles,
"me too"

Balancing Feather
falling from the rear view mirror

During service
He asks “Are you okay?”
he knows the signs
how I hunch forward off the back of the pew
fingers tapping
He asks,” Are you okay?”
No, I might have to go to the back
he makes a little space for me to pass
I hesitate then make my move
during the hymn
taking my briefcase, I head for the back
sometimes
I feel safer
with no one behind me
no one watching as I struggle for air

“I am Safe”
the unbalanced feather falls to the floor of the van

Driving home
someone follows
to make sure I arrive home safely
I watch her in the rearview mirror

I pick up the fallen feather
reinsert it
on the mirror.

Acts of One

I believe. I pray. Believing and praying is only the beginning of a relationship with God. I act, too.

I read. Books provide knowledge, motivation, and insight.

I learn. Through a variety of mediums, I hope to succeed one day in changing the paradigm of myself.

I write. Buddhism teaches that anxiety can be flicked away through the fingertips. I find this true as I quickly type.

I speak. It takes courage for me to say my thoughts aloud to people other than a chosen few. I perform with trepidation, bravely.

A woman from Toastmasters spoke in front of a large group of people. A stranger approached her afterwards and complimented her articulacy. She beamed as she related her experience as she has always been a quiet person. She crossed over successfully.

To me, her story showed that it is possible to trudge along day after day, unrecognized for the work you are doing, then suddenly be acknowledged.
I hope that someday, someone will come up to me and say, “You are a confident person” Or, “You were an example to me while I was growing up” Or, “Your writing stirred me.”
Or “Well done , good and faithful servant…”

Meanwhile, I have to just keep on going, one foot ahead of another, one word after another and hope for that success.

After Her Kind

Chatterers fly overhead
calling others to turn their eyes
upward to see their sky dances.
They promise, with no certainty.

These babblers search me with puzzled crests,
casually analyzing for entertainment.
Evading their curiosity,
I imagine a clever few

who sit upon flower boxes
with their backs to the crowd.
They notice me disappearing
from the multitude.

Flowers in their hands,
they pace impressions before approaching
the silent screamer.
Then we fade away in secrets.

Sweet Nothings

She married today.
I saw golden rings rotating around the Sun.
Startled children with opal eyes and stifled cries
tossed rose petals under her feet.

Well wishers uniformly gathered
in party dresses, suits and ties
hovered stunningly beneath her ivory wings,
reminders of their own sweet presence.

The Bride descended slowly
through the spiralling space of orchids
to the Groom who eagerly awaited
to see his image in the mirror of her eye.

(What I find amazing is when I find a photo that
so aptly illustrates a poem I wrote.
To see more, go to Friedericy Dolls)

Remember My Life Insurance Scare...

As you might recall, four weeks ago I had a unsettling call from my Insurance broker. She informed me that my request to be insured was denied. (My husband and I are already insured but the premiums have gone up with our age so we decided to check out another company.) She stated that this was unusual and I went into worry mode, fearing the worst.

I sent an email to the Insurance Company requesting that a letter stating the reason I was refused be sent to my Doctor. I didn't see my Doctor until ten days later when she finally received the letter from the Insurance Company.

However when I visited my Doctor , she couldn't locate the letter but told me that she remembered it and that the insurance company had denied me because of kidney disease. I was stunned because I am on lithium, which has the potential to harm the kidneys. I was a mess all weekend.

Then on Tuesday of the following week, I could wait no more and called for another appointment. By then I had done a lot of Internet research and was convinced that not only did I have kidney disease but I might undergo renal failure at any moment.

At that Tuesday appointment, I was about to list my symptoms to her when she confessed that she had mixed up my insurance letter with someone else's. I do not have kidney disease and she doesn't know why they would refuse me for there was nothing in my charts to warrant it.
I laughed, would you believe? I didn't even care that she had made a mistake! I am healthy!

As it has been my long term plan to cut back on Lithium and eventually be Lithium-free anyways, I am now on the low dosage of 600mg/day. I have 2 healthy kidneys that I want to keep happy.

Unexpectedly

White cotton and pink lace

adorn the heroine

for another classic midnight fall

down spiral stairs.

Unexpectedly, she twists

and a backward gaze reveals

a robe sash caught on the rail.

In astonishment, she smiles.

How Well Do You Know Me?

I found this quiz on Barbara's blog. If you want to answer these questions for me, copy and paste into my comment section. I will be waiting to see your answers!

My name:
Summarize me in three words:
Where did we meet:
Take a stab at my middle name:
How long have you known me:
When is the last time that we saw each other:
Do I drink:
Am I happy:
Am I a good person:
What was your first impression of upon meeting me/seeing me:
What’s one of my favorite things to do:
Am I funny:
How do you make me smile:
What’s my favorite type of music:
Have you ever seen me cry:
Can I sing?:
What is the best feature about me:
Am I shy or outgoing:
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
Do I have any special talents:
Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what):
What is my favorite food:
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:
What’s your favorite memory of me:
What is my worst habit:
Have you ever had a dream about me? If so, what?:
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing I would bring?
Are we friends:
Do I believe in God?
Am I family oriented?
Who is my best friend?
Will you repost this so I can do it?

Tagged by p.p.b-fly

Rules are:
* Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
* People who are tagged need to write posts in their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* At the end of your post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

Kai tagged me
with a meme about 8
random facts/habits about
me

but because I like to substitute and rearrange instructions, I say:

Kai tagged me
With a meme about 8
poetic random facts/ habits
about uncontainable
me

1. I’m not an octopus, but if I had 8 arms, I could write more poems and I could write more poems quicker!
2. Kai’s a poet. I am a poet. I am not a lonely poet.
3. I remember being a single young poet. Love and pain spurt like the ink from my pen.
4. Then I got older and more congealed. (Actually, I can still kick up my heels and spurt like the young ‘uns)
5. My journals were a catapult to poetry, back in university.
6. Now, blogging is the catapult.
7. (Shhh.Don’t tell J. Andrew this but ) I’ve forgotten what a tanka is.
8. I missed National Poetry Week, Would you believe it was in April! One month off, I can’t believe it. I was hoping for another theme month.

Now, I tag these fellow blogger poets for their own unique poetic random facts/ habits about their uncontainable selves. Have fun with it! If you're not the meme type, let me know. I will take your name off the list after you write me a 100 word comment about why you are too busy to do this meme.

1. Mompoet who is like me and likes to change the rules, wrote 8 things about herself in my comment section. That will do...
   
2. Pat Paulk
3. Art Puppy made it easy for her taggees. They only have to do a 50 word comment!
4. J. Andrew accepted the challenge.
5. RDL wrote her 100 word comment and is officially off the tag list!
6. Emily accepted the meme challenge!
7. David was quick to respond.
8. Barbara has her 8 facts up!

Bargain H. Blues

Now and again, I grieve strangely for the Thrift store that was closed down a month ago. There were 7 stores closed in the city. They were losing money, a $ million a year. Every once in awhile, I forget that the shop is empty now and crave a shopping trip.

My heart longs for the store that was once filled with real fur, leather, designer names and friendly faces. The red-haired clerk greeted us with remembrance every time. I recall the time they played a game of giveaway. The manager would roll a dice and the lucky recipient hop scotched to the back to pick out their prize. I wanted to go to the back room but you had to spend a certain amount first. We did get to go to the back eventually with only 10 minutes to spare. There were 3 racks of clothes to choose from. The clothing was from Winners and they weren’t allowed to sell it because it was a donation. They had to give it away. We found a skirt and a cotton jacket. What a fun give away game

Now it is gone. There is always Value Village but it is not the same. There are no friendly greeters at the door. There are no phone calls reminding the faithful shoppers of sales and surprise draws. There are no giveaway games played there.

The Critic Does Her Job- A Revision

I freewrote for 30 minutes this morning, that is, I wrote without thinking. “And that is so unusual” speaks my internal critic. It is this robust internal critic that I am trying to quell. She suspects this may be a waste of 30 minutes but I recall that the past few days she has been busily preoccupied with being depressed, which is not exactly a stellar activity either.

I choose to develop what may become a talent instead of hiding it in the ground. I started reading the book, "Writing Fiction” by Janet Burroway this morning. Freewriting clears the writer’s pathway from thought to paper (or to keyboard). The exercise is best done daily at the beginning of the day before any other mental activities get in the way.


I also read the section on the active voice. My last Toastmaster’s speech introduced the concept to me but it feels unnatural to me. Convinced, I carry on.

I experienced a funny dream this morning. My husband handed me my baby girl. Phew, the smell clearly told me that she was in need of a diaper change. I held her up and realized that she could almost stand on her own. Then, my cat literally pounced upon me, jumping on the bed and waking me. The smell was evidently not a dream. Kitty! I looked around for the mess but found none. She hid sheepishly under the bed. I tried to ignore the fetor and fortunately, it disappeared. I conclude she, or someone, had a bout of gas.

I reread a book called A Separate Peace by John Knowles. I read it the first time when I was 16 years old and absolutely loved it. One moment in particular captivated me that first time. The memory of being spell bound drew me to revisit. I waited and anticipated that climatic moment but it never reoccurred! Disappointment reigned instead. I saved that book in my library to one day experience the awe of being 16 again and nothing. A lot of books under the bridge since then, I guess. I recommend it though, especially for 16 year olds.

Writing Exercise:Freewriting (Uncut Version)

I will b e studying aboookk about writing. the first I have read says to write for 3 0 minutes freestyle that is without thinking about what I am writing so as to still the critic inside of me. That will e interesting for I have a strong critic living inside of me. I desire to write so as to have some method of comuniccation available for me. So far it has been 1 minutes. Oh man.
Learning to write will take a long time and I am concerned about that of course.
So instead I have been wasting my dayss with being depresssed whih is a greater waste of time but one in which I am accumstomed to. So looking at it that way, this is not a waste of time but a developing of a talent, so as not to hide itin the ground.
A section that most interersted me was that of using an activve voice. I only heard of this in Toastmsater's. My lalst speech was about using it. It did not feel natural at all. Reading about it coninved me that this is the way to go.
So far I have written for 5 minutes and am sure tha I will be unable to write freestyle for 30 minutes. but I will continue for a while.
Does it have to be about ony one subject? Asks the critic) No I don't think so.
I am looing forward to learning what is in Glynnis's journals. I have an idea but will not give it away here.
I am not writing but thinking, pausing some which I think is not supposed to happpen. I will go for 10 minutes mainly because I don't want to bore anyone...well who cares if I bore anyone then they can just stop reading. Silly me!
I alike reading what I have written afterwords and am already curious to read.
I had a funny dream this morning. My husband handed me my baby girl who was in need of having her diaper changed. Phew, what a smell. I held her up so she could ge used to walking then I was literally pounced upon by my real life cat. She jumped on the bed and woke me. What was evidently real wasa the smell, like that of a diaper needing to be changed. Kitty! I looked arouond for a mess but fouond none. She hid sheepishly under the bed. I was not looking forward to the hunt but fortunatley it disappeared which made me conclude she had a bout of gas. Whew, almost had to change another diaper!
11 minutes.
I should try going for it, 30 minutes I mean. What would my words per minute be? I wonder. I am looking forwar d to reading this book about writing Fiction. It is by Janet Burroway and is one of the books I bought at the last book fair I was at. Remember?
There are two more bok fairs coming up! Yahoo. I love buying books.
I read a book (reread) callelld A Separate Peace by John Knolwes. I ha dread it when I was 16 years old and I remember loving it. There was one moment in particular that had me spell bound so this time as I revisited the place, I was waiting and anticipating that moment. Except it never happened. I was disappointed to the say the least. It is like I was saving tha t book to reexperience that moment of awe again. Oh well, I am not 16 anymore and I have read a lot of books since then. It whas all been heard before I gurss. I recommend it thoough, still. Especially for 16 year olds. Ack, my spelling or computer /typing glitches. So embarrassing. I am used to editing my work, yousers. Yowsers?
And an amazing 4 more minutes has passed!
Umm...
Okay, I had to stop and read what I havd written, I admit it. Maybe this should be a private exercise but I hate to waste a writing experince all to myslef now. Isn't that strange. I used to write only for myself and now, I don't want to be alone. Does that sound similar to you?
100 envelopers, 50 white envelopes are on my shelf...Have you fouond any interesting memes? Hey, this could be oe. Write for 30 minutes freestyle and I will post your name here with a link. Or is that what you do everday? Hmm. It is a good idea regardless and if you do, let me now.
3 more minutes has passed and I am still writing with nothing to say really but this is to be a good writing exercise becasue it gets the thoughts on paper or computer. Maybe I should do this everyday. That is what the book said to do. Write freestyle for 30 minutes at the beginning of the day. Preferrably before you wake up. Which remeinds me of changing a diaper.
I have no plan stoday. I have been isolating here. Feeling that I give up so easy... But I am still going on so I guess that means that the internal critic is wrong!!!
I have 8 minutes left .Can I do this and how long will this post be and who will read the whole thing?
I don't know if I can do this every morning? It is kinds fun but might be too long for a post really. I feel adolescent. I would rather sound more mature . What? That takes editing, I guess. Shhh. 6 more minutes...
Come on I dare you, it is not that hard but it might be too revealing. Like talking to a therapist. Or to Mango...
Silly me.
I want to learn to write in the active voice.
Shall I try it here?
Carol sits writing in the active voice. She improves because she keeps going, moving forward. Where did I hear that before, moving forward? It was in a movie and was a quote that Walt Disney spoke or lived by? Keep moving forward. Which is like writing this. I am not to go backwards and edit. 3 more minutes like Gumby and Pkey and the clock was ticking. Do you remember Gumby and Pokey? My sister had Pokey, the ornage claymotion Poikey and I had the green Gumbey. Anyways, there was a scene, where they were waiting for the clock to reach zero. That's how I feel now. 2 more minutes. This is hard like doing physio exercises and other uncomfortable things. which I don't want to do. 1 more minutes and I will be done. If only others didn't have to read this mess, Why do I feel a need to post this?

Pretty Women 4.2

As the confused women milled around the obese young girl, she climbed the pile of dirt amassed by the gravesite and spoke, "Glynnis believed in her beauty and goodness but look where her beliefs led her." Jolene's mouth contorted unattractively.

"Beauty isn't enough. What about truth?" Jolene's voice grew louder and stronger. "I am not a pillar of light. I don't captivate the hearts of mankind."
"Marie..." Jolene saw her hairdresser in the crowd, "are you are a goddess?" Marie slowly shook her head. "Repeating a phrase does not make it so, no matter how many times you say it!" Jolene stirred up the dirt with her feet. "Glynnis did do harm. She wasn't a pretty woman...inside. She tried to murder her husband!"
Then she sat down and cried. The women ascended the mound to Jolene one by one.

Suddenly, a tearful Baxter Duremburg, the publicist, was scrambling up the dirt pile with a paper wrapped book in his arms. "You must read this!" he said, as he handed it to Jolene. Written very neatly in the corner were the words, "The Private Journals of Glynnis Duremburg KEEP OUT"

Pretty Women Chapter 4

"Her mantra went like this: Glynnis was a good girl, who fell only when she tempted the words "I do." Then, with all her whitened glory, she fell like a leaf." Henri walked steadily towards Mr. Charleswood, took his arm and pulled him from the wheelchair. Mr. Charleswood stood trembling, scanning the crowd for a sympathetic face. Jolene moved to the front and Mr. Charleswood tried to give his explanation on his own two feet.

"When I first met her, she and this man Jeeves were marketing multi-level make-overs. Imagine my surprise upon opening the door to this pair. He with his greased mop, black leather jacket and that darned toothpick hanging from his lips; she with her bottled platinum curls, tight skirt and stilletto Payless pumps. I couldn't resist. I melted, convinced that I needed a pedicure. The man examined the Tang silver chalice on the mantlepiece while she applied the cuticle remover and smoothed the roughness from my heels. I was enchanted, we were married the next day. Jeeves was the best man."

Jolene drew closer to Mr. Charleswood. His eyes wildly roamed from face to face then rested on Jolene again. Henri moved in between them and said loudly to the crowd. "This man murdered Glynnis" and whistled. Armani, the missing dog, reappeared and bounded towards Mr. Charleswood. Armani chased the once crippled man around the graveyard.

"I am the chauffeur and brother to the deceased. William hired me after marrying my awestruck sister. He gave me a job to keep me quiet. William was the real schemer. He hired himself out to numerous faith healers who then would alternately heal him from his paraplegic state. It was in his contract to keep his ability to walk a secret."

At this point, Mr. Charleswood arrived back and collapsed on the dirt pile. Armani growled from behind, slowly removed the old man's slipper and dragged it away like a bone.

"I would never have married her if she wasn't such a pretty woman. I was duped. I am innocent. Glynnis and her evil brother were planning to poison me so that they would have the millions. They couldn't wait any longer. I heard their plans. It was self defense."

Jolene drew nearer to Mr. Charleswood and looked. Her eyes reddened as she saw the despair of a victim. A desire to protect rose up within her but in a single startling moment, his eyes reflected the fall of a murderer.

Jolene held his face in her hands then the police handcuffed him and took him away. She turned to the women around her. "Oh Glynnis..."

I'll Deal with that Tomorrow

My Husband and have term insurance with a renewal this year to almost three times the current rate.
We were approached by our broker to check out another insurance company to hopefully get better rates. This involved a physical.

The good news, the broker said when she phoned back, was that my Husband was healthy and received an elite rating but the bad news was that mine was declined.

I listened as she said that it was unusual to be declined as most people just receive a higher premium or a rider. It wasn't until after the call that I reacted to her statement.

My reaction was an intense fear that lasted 3 minutes.

Since then, I have been trying to get a letter to the broker so that the insurance company can release their files to my doctor so that I can find out what caused the decline.

Maybe I am overreacting but right now, I am in a downtime. This is when I shutdown from reality and its problems. I've been watching tv, reading, and trying not to think too much about my mortality and how I am not ready yet.

I tell myself it is the bipolar problem or the anxiety...

What I Bought and Why!

I have been three times already to the week long book sale at a local mall.

I bought:

1. Emily Dickinson: Selected Poems-I had the recent pleasure of being with some friends to read poetry. I chose Emily's A Book. Is it no wonder...
2. Tao Te Ching-A book of Chinese wisdom which I have never owned or read. Now, I own it.
3. Leonard Cohen: Selected Poems-Someone chose a Leonard Cohen poem to read on Sunday. It is in this collection and was later made into a song.
   
4. Writing Fiction by Janet Burroway-The bit on the active voice convinced me that this book was for me.
5. Scarf Tying and Living with Scarves-The cashier informed me that scarves are back in style. I never knew they went out.
   
6. Color Me Beautiful by Carole Jackson x2-I already have my own copy from the 80's but can't help wanting to spread the word.
7. Color for Men by Carole Jackson-Sometimes my Husband actually lets me pick out his clothes.
8. The Woman's Comfort Book by Jennifer Louden-Delicious ideas for my next downtime.

Which section would you head for?

Cranking It Out

Ever since forever,
I said to the jumping jack,
dangling from a box
in the middle of a stage,
"Don't be a showoff!

Minimize your words, s.o.
refrain those sunny aspirations
and if
you do well
and are well
Keep it yourself, sunbeams can't play forever!"


Now listen to the response to the person in the back row
"When the melody ends, I will jump and be glad for I have done well. I am well"

Joys of the Day

• My Son telling me about his favorite Mr. Bean episodes while I drive.
• My Eldest Daughter sketching a quick portrait of me with a grease pencil. She caught my pensive mood.
  
• My Middle One and I preparing chili together for supper.
  
• Relaxing with the O magazine tonight. I like the oversized, glossy pages.
  
• Mango and I talking outside while the wet snow fell around us.
  
• Petting my cat.
  
• My Husband and I having lunch at home together, just the two of us.
  

A Discussion

No glossy cherried lips or fur lined eyes
to hide myself behind
only bleeding dripping truth
from the corner of your mouth
"judgements and jealousies" the verdict

When I stretch my hand out to you,
you notice the tremors
but sitting back, relaxed,
the shaking remains hidden.

Should my words have remained in the chair?

"Be yourself", his smile announces
that my "judgements and jealousies" are now forgotten.
"Be yourself but that doesn't necessarily mean popularity"

oh-the sidestep

"Return to who you are."

Return to the spark of life
that encircled my heart from the beginning.

I do believe, ultimately, in solutions

Basalt Flows From my Belly

gurgling upwards
fearfully volcanic

waiting
for lava
to spew molten splinters

instead
a quiet eruption
shields the spectator

I share with you my first on-line publication in the poetry ezine, Poetry Life and Times.

Pretty Women Chapter 3.7

The teary eyed mob surrounded the accused.
"Jeeves!" Mr. Charleswood shouted from under the wheelchair. "You have the audacity to show your greasy mop here!" The crowd murmured and moved in closer. One of the overwhelmed women tried to rip a piece of leather from the shoulder of Jeeves' jacket but was dissuaded by his sudden movement and snarl, "I'm the chauffeur, not the butler!"
Jolene watched the man that Mr. Charleswood called Jeeves but whose name on the front of the jacket said, "Henri." From the back, he seemed rather familiar.

Baxter Duremburg, dismayed by the lack of interest in Glynnis' paraphernalia, uprighted the wheelchair and its rider. "Really, someone should call the police," he said and disappeared back behind his booth.

Pretty Women Chapter 3.6

Silently, the faithful filed past the closed coffin then proceeded to a booth where Baxter faithfully displayed copies of her books, pictures and figurines. The woman who had sat next to Jolene, was thumbing through the books, lamenting that she had not brought any cash. "We take personal cheques," Baxter smiled and held out the gold pen.

Marie bumped into Jolene, who was examining a Glynnis figurine in her clenched hands. When a tearful Marie whispered her disappointment that there was no mention of the salon, Jolene bolted towards Mr. Charleswood who was placed beside the coffin to receive the condolences. His eyes narrowed when he noticed the black haired, fat girl lurching towards him. Jolene stumbled and fell at his feet, still holding the golden Glynnis figurine, whose smiling head caught on Mr. Charleswood's slipper and pulled it off. Jolene lay unexpectedly at the naked, callused foot of Mr. Charleswood.

Quickly, to avert the growing crowd around his overturned wheelchair, he shouted, "That is him!"
His finger pointing at the astonished man from whose lips a toothpick fell.

Offerings

She flitters by
in blue transparency,
casting her liberality
to the crowd of gods
that wrestle at her feet

Love me , she whispers and they kneel,
Then
play my way
and we will get along
and the crowd says, Amen

and she turns to me, who refuses to bend

Oh, So Neat...

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Thanks Mompoet.

All Right!

You Are From the Sun

Of all your friends, you're the shining star. You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight. You're a totally entertainer and the life of the party. Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty. Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best!

What Planet Are You From?

Do you know how many times, I had to do this quiz to get this ultimate answer??
Just once!
I'm a megalomaniac, who'd a thought?

But Undiscovered

I Love That Person

Gritting
and eyes rolling over her back
she strikes at the dirt beneath her swollen belly
"If only I was thinner, then all would be
better"
she doesn't notice the hands that are outstretched
to catch

Her journal echoes
and I desire to meet her half the way
before the descent,

Pretty Women Chapter 3.5

Baxter Duremburg looked down at the flower laden coffin before him. "Who was Glynnis Charleswood?" he asked the transfixed audience. "She was an inspiration to women all over this great city of ours." He held a gold pen and silently traced small circles where her silent head might lie. Mournful cries of women came from the main seating area and were faintly echoed from the basement.
"She knew how to think the good thoughts. Didn't she?" his pen moved to and fro while he spoke. "When I first met Glynnis, her theory on how to be successful was only a glimmer in the blueness of her eyes. Even in those early beginnings, I was mesmerized by her control of the truth and the conviction with which she spoke her mantras."

Several of the women in the front row shrieked back in reply, "I am kind. I am loving. I am a pillar of light in this world of ugliness."

"Glynnis knew how to give what was wanted." Mr Charleswood nodded solemnly at Baxter's words and closed his eyes.
"She was well versed in what looked intelligent. She exuded confidence whenever she spoke." Baxter's pen pointed at the men and women before him. Marie's sniffling nose was up to the screen. "She made you feel that she really cared for you. She oozed sincerity."

Tears fell down Mr. Charleswood's face.

Pretty Women Chapter 3.4

Mr. Charleswood was wheeled in and the camera quickly zoomed to his pale, grim face. His eyes misted as he peered into the lens; the basement audience hushed. With the appearance of the mahogany casket, Marie automatically stood up. Someone giggled and the embarrassed hair- stylist sat down.
Jolene fidgeted to see the screen, just barely catching a glimpse of the wheeled old man sneering as he turned from the camera.

A handsome man in his mid-thirties walked slowly to the podium which stood behind the closed coffin.
A women next to Jolene commented to her companion that this was Glynnis' therapist while the other corrected her to say that he was her publicist. Jolene could only see half of the man's face as he announced to the crowd, " She was the epitomy of womanhood." His silky voice echoed over the heads in the hall.

Mind Her

Bear the spirit up with kindness
and a steady gaze
that will ease the pain in the arch of the eye.

Insistingly
speak the good words
and listen urgently.

Look,
she's waiting
in the mirror.

Wanna Talk?

Scroll down the page to my cbox.

Not a Serious Reckoning but...

I took the quiz, Pearl. Look what I got!

You know the Bible 100%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

Only thing better would be if it said you are a doer of the Word. That is what really clinches the deal.

Pretty Women: Chapter 3.3

Jolene had to sit downstairs for the main auditorium was filled with the mournfully adorned wealthy.

As she squeezed past the downcast to one of the few seats available, she noticed Marie sitting near the screen where the service would be broadcast to the lower level. She was wearing a replica of a new updo like the glamorous wore on her waiting room magazines. Marie gaped at the empty screen intently as was her habit when she mixed the colors for Glynnis' level 6 with #10 highlights.

Jolene wrinkled the program in her hands, Glynnis smiled and frowned intermittently from between the creases of the pamphlet.

The last chair was taken by a tall man with a blue-striped, short-sleeved shirt. Jolene scowled for his greasy, black haired head would block her view of the service. He turned around to check the clock; a toothpick hung from his lips.

A Perfect Post

Every month Lindsey and Momma K host the Perfect Post awards where bloggers, such as you and I, get to pick our favorite post of the month.

This month I chose Kai's poem, My Star, to be my January's Perfect Post. Kai is a joy and inspiration to read. Her voice grows stronger and more confident every day.

Pretty Women Chapter 3.2

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three:Pretty Women Chapter 3.1


Jolene had to push the door hard to open and discovered that the basement was overflowing with clientele. Marie heard the buzzer and waved to Jolene over the coiffed heads, motioning for her to have a seat.
Marie's eyes were red as were the others.

"I couldn't believe the news," the woman in the chair sobbed. "Glynnis and I were like this," she held two fingers together and burst out hysterically. "We were always going to meet for lunch..."
Marie nodded, "She called me at my home number around eight last night to make an appointment. At this exact hour she would've been on the bed." Marie looked over to the tanning room. The goggles were mournfully placed where she would've lied. The puffed eyes followed Marie's gaze to the only vacant spot in the salon.

"You know what bothers me the most," Marie whispered. The room was silent. "That poor Mr. Charleswood had to hear the gunshot and the scream but was unable to move to get help. Can you imagine his agony as he lay there half paralyzed in his second story bedroom?"

"Yes. It was lucky that he had his cell phone nearby," a woman sitting beside Jolene replied. "The newspaper said that his dog, Armani, was frantic with fear when they arrived. Mr. Charleswood's bedroom door was closed and Armani was clawing and jumping at the door, trying to get in. He needed comfort from his master."

"Mrs. Charleswood ran into me a few months ago," Jolene added but no one paid any attention to the oversized girl in the corner.

Pretty Women: Chapter 3.1

You might want to read these preceding chapters to Pretty Women.
Chapter One
Chapter Two

Pretty Women Chapter 3.1

Jolene tripped over the newspaper that was thrown on their front step. She muttered to herself as she threw the crumpled pages into the house and hurriedly slammed the door so as not to miss the schoolbus.
Suddenly, she stopped. "Glynnis Charleswood Murdered?" The blaring headline and familiar picture from the seminar pamphlet slapped Jolene and she fumbled to re-open the locked door. "What?"

Jolene was in a daze throughout all of her classes with thoughts of the once shimmering Glynnis.

Glynnis, in her cabriolet, sidelining Jolene on her skateboard. Shouting but radiant as she stood over the bruised body.
Glynnis speaking her affirmations to hundreds of transfixed, pretty women seated in a row.
Glynnis falling from the stage after Jolene’s surprise appearance.
Glynnis, limping from the auditorium.
Glynnis dying from a gunshot to her head.

Bewildered by these memories, Jolene caught the bus home but wandered over to Marie's basement salon. She needed to talk.

Pretty Women : Chapter Two

In order to better understand and appreciate the following Chapter Two of Pretty Women, it is advised that interested readers first read Chapter One.
Or if you have done so previously but have forgotten it, please re-read Chapter One.

Please feel free to critique
or otherwise.

I hope you enjoy the continuing saga of
Pretty Women.

Chapter Two

When the trees began to drop their leaves in an exposing fall dance, Glynnis knew it was time to give up her caregiving position. "I married and nurtured him for how many years now?" she asked as she screwed up her eyes in thought. "For two years, I have looked after him, affirmed his every action, his every word and what has he done in return?
"Lived!"

Glynnis gripped the steering wheel firmly and her plan began. An outfit was bought for the occasion, a white cashmere sweater and Agatha tweed pants. Unfortunately, they were concealed by a stiff white lab coat which she took from its hook in the hall. The pharmaceutical research center was quiet being closed for the evening. She managed to find her way through the locked doors.

As she counted the white pills into a green emptied bottle, she daydreamed of the funeral and what she would wear. The excitement of wearing a black Dries Van Noten almost made her lose count.

The security guards saw Glynnis leave the center. She looked like a successful and well dressed research assistant. When questioned by them, she listed several possible chemical reactions which she had memorized from posters in the washroom. The security guards bent down cooingly as she looked up at them with her soft, doey eyes. They unlocked the door.

"I must make make an appointment with Marie tomorrow," Glynnis thought as she looked in the rear view mirror to apply the rumbleberry lipstick to her faintly hairy lips.

As she drove home, she thought of William waiting for her to return. His 90 year old body reclined on their burgandy leather couch, his feet resting on the ottoman while their dog, Armani, licked his well worn slippers. Glynnis had told him that she would be at another one of her seminars but instead, Glynnis excitedly thought, instead she was filling his prescription, an undetectable prescription. She had heard about this toxicological breakthrough through one of her fanatical converts.

"Do I know you, Mrs. Charleswood?"
Glynnis looked up in surprise. She had been fumbling in her Vuitton handbag for the medication she planned to give to William before he went to sleep. Instead of lying on the couch as she had imagined, William stood tall before her with a loaded rifle aimed at her pretty but disproportionate head.
Glynnis grimaced in horror, her trembling hands dropped the pill container. She almost had time to begin her mantra before she fell as a leaf.

Dear Diary,

I hit the snooze alarm. Three times to be exact. Even though I had to rush to get ready for an appointment, I managed to spend a few minutes on a crossword. (I have to get the 4x a week in somehow)

Did I mention that I am seeing a therapist? No, probably not, as I was intending to keep that information private but then more recently I convinced myself that writing a day in the life of Carol would be more amusing.

So I saw the therapist and I felt really good after our talk. He said, jokingly, I think, that I might need to experience more mania. He is a good bloke although he talks ALOT. I thought he wasn't supposed to say a thing but "um" and "eh" as he is Canadian too.

Then I came back to make lunch for Hubby (and Daughter who luckily got to sleep until noon).

The afternoon was fun-filled as I had to get groceries. I hate using their washrooms. There are real flowers on the counter but no toilet paper and the floors...well, I just won't go there. Then the greeter stopped me on the way out to inspect my cart. "What I did do wrong?" I cried. She mumbled something about items on the bottom of the cart. My total trip from the initial drive off to "everything is put away" was 2 1/2 hours.

My Middle Daughter made us all hot chocolate. Nummy. Had a snack break while I finished the crossword. Okay, I cheated abit. Acov might be a sea above the Black Sea and Prince Arn's mother might be Aleta. Main thing is I finished it, yeah Carol!

I talked to Mango briefly as supper preparations were hectic. My Eldest was my assistant. We had Shake'n Bake Chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob (which is very expensive this time of year) and salad. Everything tasted great but I had no time for dessert as we were off to Bible Study.

We have been studying the book of Hebrews. Today we discussed the differences between the Old Testament High Priests and Jesus. Eg. Jesus took His own blood into the heavenly tabernacle just once while the High Priests had to take the blood of calves and goats into a earthly tabernacle every year.

I had a good talk with a young Christian who mentioned a Creationist web site. Hmmm. He held my interest and I showed him a picture of a giant gray rabbit that I had clipped out of the paper.

That was my day!

Tip on Improving Your Mind

I read an *article that said that doing crosswords four times a week can decrease the chances for getting Alzheimer's almost in half. As a result, I am trying to make it a habit. The people that I know that do crosswords have amazing memory recall.
You wanna try it?





* I am referring to the Canadian magazine Chatelaine, Jan 07 edition.

Ten Things That Define My Style

Thanks for the tag, Kai.

1. Being a Christian, born again through the waters of baptism, is the essence of who I am and who I want to be.
   
2. Being a Wife and Mother gives my days love and structure.
   
3. Where would I be without Mango and the others? We're good friends, honest, loyal and fun...
   
4. I like to play.
5. I like variety.
   
6. I am bipolar, diagnosed 18 years ago. I haven't had another manic episode since but do suffer from bouts of anxiety and depression.
   
7. My sad side struggles with feelings of inferiority but I am slowly learning to be happy with who I am...
   
8. but weaknesses can be a good thing.
   
9. My job demands that I get out of the house and use the left side of my brain.
   
10. I am an introvert, not too many people know what lurks beneath. You do.

I would like to challenge any women from the FFMB blogroll or from the Bipolar Planet ring to do this meme. Leave me a comment and I will post a link to your "Ten Things..."

• 
  

Dear Mother,

I used to write of the losses of the womb-
you let me leave although I was not ready
You knew that
but you closed your eyes and pushed

Then when I was struggling all alone
you ran to me, holding me with your eyes
I knew you wanted to keep me always
but you closed your eyes and pushed

There is a babe floundering at my feet
I can't let her go yet,
can I ?
I need to hold her with my eyes and feel her in my arms

then she will be ready

Jann Arden is a Canadian singer who struggled with her weight. Many of her fans who shared the same struggle felt emotionally connected to her. Unofficially she become their representative.

Then she lost weight... Some of these fans felt she had sold out to the other side.

Not all famous overweight, talented and confident women that lose weight are bowing to societal idols that preach "thin is in". They have health concerns, as well. Diabetes and high blood pressure run in Jann’s family.

It is her voice singing to other sensitive hearts.

Carol's Cool Video Premiere

I Just Gotta Do This

In the year 2007 I resolve to: To not care what people think about me. Get your resolution here.

Thanks Mompoet and Lazy Daisy for this fun way to make a resolution. I like it! What is yours?