Excerpts from a Life: An Epilogue

In my series of excerpts from my journals in the 70's, I talked a lot about my crush on Chevy, a fellow student at my High School. I lost weight and became anorexic in trying to win this boy but to no avail. I never even talked to him, except to ask for his autograph in my Grade 11 yearbook.



Epilogue: August 3, 2007

I was at my 30th High School Reunion this weekend.
At the evening get together, I told my Husband that I was looking for Chevy.
I noticed this fellow (a chunky man, kind of) with graying black hair and dark eyes. I looked at him and thought I might've known him. Our eyes met but I looked away, not knowing him after all. I had been looking at people like that ever since we arrived in my my hometown, trying to find faces that I might remember.

Then this kinda chunky man got up and I followed him (with my eyes). He walked up to me. "Hi Carol," he said. I looked quickly at his name tag and replied, "Hi Chevy."

Not wanting the moment to end, I invited him to sit down with my Husband and I. He proceeded to tell us, at record speed, his life story. I interrupted him at one point to ask, "Did you always talk this much?"

I felt like I was going to cry after a while; I knew my face showed it.

Excerpts from a Life

Here is an early poem I wrote. I was around 13 years old and joking around.

Morning

The sun began to rise, as I peered through my door.
I see the same scene, day after day, it's beginning to be a bore.

The dew is beginning to fall, I feel it beneath my feet.
I wish I could wake up one morning, with something new to meet.

The birds begin to sing, as the animals begin to play.
The same repeated mornings, just like yesterday.

The rooster in the backyard, cried out his waking call.
People say it is lovely, to me it's a noisy brawl.

The paperboy is coming, I can hear his noisy bike.
If God created mornings, how come they're all alike.

The sky is many colors, like a rainbow flying high.
These mornings are getting worse, as they pass me by.

Soon this morning will be over, as it was the day before
Start again tomorrow, as I look through my door...

Excerpts from a Life

I have been writing from the journals I kept as a teenager. So far I revealed the teenage crushes I had on magazine idols then on a real boy named Chevy. I lost weight hoping that he would like me back but alas, it was not to be. I switched my focus to keeping the weight I lost off.

This is Carol's story told a long long time ago.

December 4, 1975
Mango came over this evening and am I ever glad she did. We worked on the ballot. We talked over lots of things. She's still my "little friend" she always was. That makes me happy. Oh yeah, she said that her friends really look up to me. Man, that sure is nice to know. She said that it's like having Cheralynn W. (popular girl) for a friend. I realize that if I act happy (if I am that is), people seem to like me. I want to be accepted by all. I really do.
In typing, I'm always making these one-liners. Kathy S. always laughs. I love making people laugh.

December 14, 1975
Rlynne and Bob (my older sister's fiance at the time) fool around alot and I feel so jealous. I put on a pout, I think. I just can't fool around like that. It is just not me.
On Friday night, Mom said Rlynne as such a good figure. Jealousy raged in me.
Rlynne had her hair cut. It looks good.
Never did yoga yesterday. I feel as if it's not helping. I've got to keep it up.

January 1, 1976
Starting another new year.
I've got to always care about my health. Never eat like I used to.
Right now, I'm listening to Rlynne's record, "Phanthom of the Paradise." I like the line, "Give me back the gift of laughter."
"We were all born to die and that's the hell of it." How true.

I hate when I force myself to be funny. A little voice inside says, "Hey, I'm not thinking about food," and that ends it.

January 10, 1976
Went to "Tommy" last night. It's a real dynamic show, I loved it. Nancy, Laurie, Debbie, Rhona and I went together. Met Mango there, luckily. I sat beside her and she helped to explain what was going on. If I would've had my mood ring, it would've been blue for sure. I was smiling for happiness for the show. The last song, especially. Wow!
Stayed overnite at Nancy's with the rest (not Mango). None of them really cared for the show, especially Debbie. She was acting so peeved over it. F--- her. Blah on them all. Them with their brainwashed ideas slushed together in a slump. "If I laugh, you have to." If I don't think it's funny, why should I force a laugh or even a smile. I don't care for them. Blah! Bluch! I have to put on an act when I'm with them. Nancy gets so frustrated at any little thing; she's the biggest fraud of the bunch-trying to impress God knows who. Pretending to like me, thinking I'm the phony one.

When I'm with Mango, I can be me. If I don't feel like laughing, I don't feel like I have to. I can really be me! I love her. She's truly my best friend.

January 13, 1976
Yesterday, I told Mango she's my best friend. She was happy.

"I'm a sensation." I like that quote from Tommy, because it's true. "I am a sensation!"

Excerpts from a Life

October 29, 1975
"I'm so tired and bored with counting calories but without it, I'm lost. I feel huge temptations creeping back on me. I don't know what I'll do if I regain the weight.
I'm so troubled, bored with life. Why am I here? What is life? Ants crawling, birds flying, the cat sitting on the chair. What is its' purpose? Nothing makes me happy anymore. All I do is worry about existing.

November 2, 1975
I've changed my thoughts a lot since last time I wrote. I feel much happier.
I'm on a new diet 600-400-700 calories. If I don't gain, I'll add more calories. The scale showed 109 lbs this morning.

November 21, 1975
I hope I don't gain weight. Weigh 107 lbs.

December 1, 1975
Friday afternoon during school, I felt sick so I came home. Lucky thing too for in the evening I felt extremely sick.
During the weekend, I planned all my meals for the next day. I enjoy planning and besides, I never knew how much is allowed in 1800 calories. Weigh 103-104 lbs. Didn't go to school today.
Oh yeah, R-Lynne told me a while back that Chevy drove a girl to school.

To read previous entries, go here.

Excerpts from a Life

On Saturdays, I write from the journals of Carol the teenager who had a huge crush on Chevy, lost weight to win him and didn't.

Oct 6, 1975
Chevy thinks I'm nuts or was. It makes me so embarrassed. Oh well, he got the last laugh. As long as I succeed in avoiding him, I'll by okay. But I can't think too deeply about it either.

Oct 8, 1975
I'm afraid of past eating habits! They haunt me all the time. I do yoga afterschool everyday for about 40 minutes. I hope my waist gets smaller.

Oct 11, 1975
I'm so scared, or I was, of going back to eating like a pig. I think I'll be okay. Stomach is kind sore. I haven't had my period for so long. I hope I didn't wreck that, too.

Oct 12, 1975
When Mango stayed overnight, she said that she didn't like Tony DeFranco (teen idol) anymore. Well, that goes for me too but I don't want to forget that period of my life. It was a stage of me growing up. Although posters still hang in my room, I feel no love or want for them. Yet, I can't seem to take them down, because it would be such a definite statement that I'm over that stage. Tony stands for all the crushes I had and went through. I can't bare to destroy those memories.

I'm glad I asked Chevy for his autograph. The only real contact we had- is there. When I'm older, I'll look back at it and remember how much it meant to me although it ended everything for him and about him in me. It will stand, like Tony, for crushes. I lost weight for him, he kept me on it. He was my goal, dream. Its still shining like a star, never to be reached.

Excerpt from a Life

Early Years
November 18, 1973
November 22, 1973
November 25, 1973
Grade 9
February 22, 1974
April 5, 1974
June 11, 1974
June 20, 1974
July 5, 1974
July 12, 1974
July 28, 1974
August 22, 1974
September 18, 1974
October 1, 1974
October 12, 1974
October 19, 1974
October 21, 1974
October 25, 1974
October 29, 1974
November 5, 1974
January 7, 1975
January 8, 1975
February 27, 1975
April 9, 1975
Outrageous Magazine
Ballot
June 2, 1975
July 19, 1975
August 14, 1975
New Year's Eve
August 15, 1975
August 27, 1975
An Epilogue

Excerpts from a Life

Up to now, I have had fun writing and sharing my teenage self.

Quite a lot to write about so hold on!

August 27,1975
You know I've just been thinking! I'm thin. Of course I knew that long ago but it was my dream for oh so long. Sometimes I couldn't get to bed thinking about it. I'm so happy, proud etc.etc.

Even if Chevy doesn't like me, he did notice me!

Went to doctor's office because of my problem. The doctor said its nothing serious. Thank goodness!!

August 29, 1975
Had trouble deciding whether or not to go down to 110 lbs. I guess I will although everybody but Mango is against it. I want to be like Cher!
I feel weak and without energy lately but...
Oh yeah, I got another new top. Wouldja believe its a small! How positively beautiful. I wish I had a 24" waist. Still faithfully sticking with exercises, although it is with less energy.

September 3, 1975
Registration day. Mango's first day at high school. She was nervous. It's gonna be fun having Mango in the same school.
Saw Chevy in the line-up. He didn't do nothing!

Debbie K. said I look beautiful. Hoo man! She said she was wondering who I was. Karen said she's proud of me.
Everyone tells me I'm skinny enough and that I don't need to lose anymore. Well, I'm gonna go down to 110 lbs. anyways.

September 7, 1975
Exercises are really helping. I'm happy, trying to keep myself busy instead of thinking about supper. I'm sitting in front of Mom's mirror. When I'm smiling, I don't look too bad.

I wonder if Rlynne ever reads my journal. She better not!

September 9, 1975
Went to the hospital tonight. I had to get an enema.

September 13, 1975
Afterschool I was admitted into the hopital. I had so many enemas. Stayed there until yesterday. The doctor said the only problem is my diet.

Well anyways, while coming home with Mom, we saw Mango, Aline and Cindy. They said,"Its Carol."
I opened the window and said, "Walking the streets again, eh?" I kinda rolled my eyes and Mango looked hurt. I was jealous.

September 19, 1975
Just came home from the hospital. I hope everything will go okay.

September 21, 1975
My short life is already falling apart! My digestive tract is wrecked and I'm only 16!!!
I feel like I'm gonna die anyday. There's my life depending on whether I sh-- or not. Whether I weigh 110 with a 23" waist or not. Emotional, nervous breakdown. God must be punishing me. I never felt like this before. I want Mom to hold me and say everything will be fine. I want to run outside and breathe and live. I want to sleep and sleep, forgetting everything. I want to be like normal people instead of groveling at people's feet. I wanted to hit Mango because she is healthy. I want to be healthy. Losing 73 lbs does have an effect on you-you go crazy. You go stark raving mad.

Will I gain it all back? Mom said no, I was sort of crying this morning. Takes me-I want someone to cry to. Someone to rock me and take care of me. I'm still a child, facing grown-up problems. Facing the antagonizing fear of loneliness and death. Feeling it and not knowing where to turn or who to turn to. Mom will think I'm nuts or too melodramatic.

God-okay, you did it! No, what am I saying? Sorry-it's me who did it. I'm to blame. I have no willpower, no strength, no health. Nothing, not even my daydreams help.

September 22, 1975
I took my yearbook to school. Asked Chevy for his autograph. Really! He just shrugged his shoulders and signed.

Excerpts from a Life

I am going over my old journals every Saturday. I started keeping them in 1974. Chevy, a boy I had a crush on, is still in the picture, I am still dieting and Mango is still my buddy.

August 15, 1975
This evening around 7:30 pm, Mango and I went uptown. Chevy rode by. Mango said he looked at me through the corner of his eye. We had to cross while he waited. How embarrassing! I never looked at him. Mango said he was watching me all the time.
He never drove so we went inside Mango's house. After awhile, Mango phoned his place:
Mango: "Is Carol there?"
Chevy: "Who is this?" (He knew.)
Mango said, "Mango."
He didn't say anything so Mango said, "Well, I must have the wrong number."
He said, "Yeah, you must." in a I-know voice and like he liked it!
So then we went outside and he was in his car on Queen St. waiting to go. Mango took off, so did I, which was very stupid!!
Then he went straight. Never saw him anymore last night. I hope he was looking for me, but right now I'm not too sure because why would he go straight? ( I have got to step in here, and answer my younger self-"Perhaps because you and Mango took off!!")
But then again- funny how he came out right after the phonecall!! Hmm- have to think about it.

August 16, 1974
What if Chevy just wanted to see if I was outside after the phonecall? What if he thinks I'm chasing him and that's its funny? I hope he doesn't but I can't understand why he drove straight.

August 18, 1975
Don't feel too bad-I'll just have to wait and see how he acts. Til then-well, all I can do is hope.

Tried on tops and sorted out which ones fit and which ones don't.

The Early Years

The bullying had happened before I kept a journal. I wish I would have kept a record but my mind recalls enough...

I entered grade one as a quiet child. There were no cliques then, I was accepted. The teacher thought I was slow though. The next year she placed me in the "B" class.

The grade two teacher liked me and could see that I didn't belong there.

In grade three, I was back with the original group. Along with gaining weight, I was really good at spelling. So what is the matter with that? Well, this impressed the teacher and besides that, she liked me too and would praise me from the front of the class, saying what a good worker I was. I don't think they appreciated that. I was the teacher's pet.

I had made a good friend though that year. She moved in from a country school. Her name was Laurie. (the same Laurie from the Excerpts of a Life) We became friends after the teacher asked her to help me clean my messy desk. I have always been blessed with good friends.

I remember the problems starting especially in grade four. I started developing early and some of the boys used to grab me. I was so fearful, as I never knew when this would happen. I've only recently realized that I was being sexually abused.

Grade six was in particularly bad as well. During this year, the popular girls joined in with the taunting. They loved to put tacks on my desk seat and watch to see if I would feel it. They would laugh if I didn't because I was overweight.

The teacher once put me in a row with all the native and misfit boys. We used to have math contests where we would go to the board and complete math equations. I was really good at math so my score brought ours up. I remember our group's elation as one of the native boys completed accurately and quickly his equation. How our team cheered! I loved the comraderie we shared in that moment. That was the highlight of the class year for me.

That grade six teacher was my favorite. He also put me in a special group of the "smart and caught up kids" to make a paper mache map for the class. I appreciated these little acts as they kept me going.

Grades seven-nine were the same. They cruelly put me down whenever there was opportunity. I remember once in Guidance class, the issue of bullying came up. The teacher asked us what we could do if we were bullied. I shyly answered, "Ignore it." One of my tormenters from across the aisle, whispered to me,"Now we will bug you all the more."

I was in an Industrial Arts class, when one of the girls came up to me, she wasn't one of the regulars, and said something, I don't remember what, and I replied to her, "What have I done to you?" I remember crying, but I don't know if it was in front of her. I hope not. I had been so strong up 'til then.

It is hard for me to fathom now the cruelty of children. This was not just a few, there were many involved. It was in fashion to pick on Carol. Like I said, I had a group of friends but they weren't with me in the same classroom. I met Mango as well in the summer before grade six so I had a strong support group.

I had to get this out and I cried as I wrote it. The damage that was done to my self esteem is still present but I have a feeling that 2006 will see more healing from the damage of these years. It is my hope and prayer.

Thanks for listening,
Carol


This was brought on by Barbara's post on bullies.

Excerpts from a Life

In the old days, my sister Rlynne, Mango and I would listen to the radio and write down the top 100 songs of the year, drink koolaid in wine glasses and eat a lot of junk food. This was the way it was before 1975 anyways, before "I grew up."

Happy New Years to you, my friends. May 2006 be a good one for you.

Let's see, where is the list?

Excerpts from a Life

Past excerpts tell of 15 year old Carol's crush on Chevy. Will they ever talk??

August 14, 1975
BORING again!!

Later...
CHEVY LIKES ME!! Oh man, I can't believe it. I'm so happy!! (Can't even remember how to hold a pen)
I was over at Mango's and Sherry, Rlynne (my sister), Mango and I were standing outside Mango's yard, waiting. Finally he drove by. Well, he sped up and jerked his car along. What a cute, lovable show off. He passed by again and Mango said, "There he goes again." His window was open and he heard. We both screamed of embarrassment! Then he rode by really slowly. Rlynne said "hi" after he passed. He passed by a couple or so more times. Everytime, he looked at me!!

Of course I still have me doubts but Mango said, "No way, he likes you." Same goes for Rlynne.
I'm very, very happy! Man and to think I was bored. Whew!

Excerpts from a Life

These are excerpts from my journal as a teenager. I had a crush on a boy called Chevy and I lost weight to in order to gain his attention.

July 19, 1975
Mom's always bugging me about my eating. I'm so mad!! Too skinny. (edited version)
Please God-I don't know.

July 23, 1975
I'm doing new exercises and keeping track of calories. I don't know if I should or not, its quite frustrating!!
Its one of those times when I'm conscious of swallowing my saliva!

August 9, 1975
I read a couple of stories about fat girls becoming thin and getting the guy of their dreams. In both of them, the guy was conceited. I wish I would get my guy already and I bet he won't be conceited.
I stopped exercising because of my sickness.
Rlynne (my sister) told Mango that Chevy must like me. Oh please, make him do something. I want him so much.

August 10, 1975
Throat is sorta sore or somethin'. Did exercises again. I wish I was well so I could go outside and walk around.

August 11, 1975
Mango came over in afternoon. We just talked and listened to the radio. Mango seems as if she's really sure of Chevy liking me.
Eating about 1500 calories a day. I should reach my goal of 115 lbs pretty soon. I hope my figure is all in shape for school. I want a 24" waist!

Excerpts from a Life

Every Saturday, I invite you to meet 15 year old Carol who is dieting in the hopes that thinness will win the boy of her dreams, Chevy.

June 2, 1975
Today I weigh 130 lbs.

June 13, 1975
Today I thought I was over Chevy. I told Laurie and JoAnne that I was. Then I got to thinking of him and all of sudden I felt sad that I thought that. So I went and told Laurie that it wasn't over, not for awhile anyways.

June 19, 1975
I got 100% in Geometry. I am so glad. The other kids clapped when they found out and Bonnie K. shook my hand. I'm really proud.

June 20, 1975
Went to Mango's in the evening. We went to the park and swung. Summer, you're beautiful.
I'm trying not to think about Chevy. I'm getting an honor pin, hurray!

June 22, 1975
Went to church. I haven't been for such a long time.
Rlynne, Mango and I went for a walk in the afternoon. We met Cindy and Aline. Cindy said, "Do you look good." So we all went walking around.
I saw Chevy's car coming and there were two people in it. I got kinda scared. When he passed, he looked at me. I just glanced at him cause I wanted to see who the other person was. Luckily it was only his Dad.
Rlynne whispered, "He's looking at you."
After he passed the corner, he really sped up.
Mango said, "Did you see the way he was looking?" I thought she meant it was a dirty look so I didn't answer. Then she said, "It doesn't look as if he hates you."
That made me very happy.

Excerpts from a Life

On Saturdays, I post excerpts from my journal. I am still at 1975 when I was 15 years old and had a huge crush on a boy I called Chevy. I thought I could win his heart by losing weight. Mango was my best friend. I mentioned on this past Thursday's post that Mango and I used to ask questions of one another and write them down. This was similar to the question memes that are quite prevalent on many of the blogs today. Mango and I called them "ballots" and we did them every month.

The following is a composite ballot of questions that Mango asked me way back then:

1. Why do you like doing these ballots?
"I don't know. I like asking questions, I like answering questions. Sometimes you can ask questions that you wouldn't ask off-hand."

2.If Chevy talked to you and you found that he likes you; how would you tell me?
"I would run up the road, twirling around, you'd know!"

3. Do you honestly and truly mean to be Chevy's steady?
"Maybe not go steady but dating him. I gotta play the field."

4. Do you think you're a serious person?
"At school, during classes."

5. What song would you like our "talented" group, Trilogy, to try?
"Lady Marmalade" (Yikes)

6. Do you believe in women's lib?
"Yes, I do."

7. Do you think you're a funny person, even just a little funny?
"Yeah, I guess so, a little bit."

8. Would you like to sing for an audience?
"Yes"

9. Would you like to direct a performance of Jesus Christ, Superstar if you had a chance?
"I wouldn't want to direct. I'd want to sing!"

10. (We had given a tape of our singing to the music teacher at Mango's school, Mr. Klassen. My older sister had also sent a copy of this tape to Lorne, a fellow she knew who was in a band and needed backup singers.)If Mr. Klassen or that Lorne guy says we're good, well, good enough to make it, would you be really and honestly determined to do it?
"Yes, I think so, if we could get a band."

11.Do you think we could make it, let's say we have a band, could we?
"If I'm not the lead singer, I think so."

12.What would you do if I started liking Chevy? (Just wondering)
"I'd wonder why, first of all, then I would get very upset and try to discourage you or something. I wouldn't talk to you for awhile."

13. Do you really like that story I wrote, not just because it of was of you and Chevy, but the way I wrote it?
"Yeah, but get a plot." (always the critic)

14. If Lorne says we're good, what will Trilogy do?
"Nothing, what can we do? We don't have a band!"

15. What do you think of my fake smile? (Mango was practising for the school photos. Don't be mad at me, Mango)
"It looks better than going like your last year's picture!" (Would you still be friends with this person?? I should interject that the purpose of the ballot was honesty)

16. What is your career ambition and your secret ambition?
"To be an artist and have a lot of boyfriends!"

17. How do you say good-bye very formally?
"I would like to thank Mango for this ballot and say farewell to all the people who have sneaked in my diary!"

Excerpts from a Life

I have been posting entries from my journal on Saturdays. In 1975, Mango and I were best of friends, teenagers and just a bit boy-crazy. I still had that crush on Chevy. Mango, my sister Rlynne and I formed a band called Trilogy. We were the singers. Unfortunately, there were no musicians. Mango and I did have a creative imagination however and created a magazine called Outrageous that chronicled Trilogy's success story.

For $5.00 CND, come on...

I trust that you know how to enlarge these pics! Notice the t-shirts that Mango and I are wearing.

Here is a poster of Chevy and I!!

Excerpts from a Life

The following are taken from my journals as a teenager. I was a secret admirer of Chevy and losing weight steadily in hopes of capturing his heart.
My friend, Mango and I are exploring our creativity.

April 9, 1975
Wouldja believe I was in the hospital since Sunday. I passed out on Sunday. The doctor says I have low blood sugar.

April 20, 1975
Millions of things to write about are passing through my mind. I don't mean for my journal but for stories. I wrote a poem called "One Year Ago Today." I'm not finished it yet. Yes, I feel inspired to write...

May 15, 1975
Saw Cindy and Aline uptown. Cindy said, "Do you ever look great. I bet all the boys are after you." haha

May 20, 1975
Before typing, JoAnne and I were talking to Laurie in typing. Chevy was in there! For a long time, he never looked up then he finally quit typing and rested his chin on his hands and watched. Oooh, my legs turned into jelly.
Mrs. Krislock, art teacher, asked me if I would like to draw something for the Reinbolt Exhibition. Felt proud.

June 1, 1975
Went to Mango's in the afternoon. We sang into the tape recorder with the records. (This was way before Karaoke!)
Our best song was "I Got the Music in Me".
Mango sings really good. She could make with her voice. I really mean that!
I sang "Love Lies Bleeding."
Mango keeps on telling me how great I sing. I'm flattered but I don't think I sound that great. Mango is the one with the great voice. She can get all the little notes I can't.
I wish our group, Trilogy, would make it!

Excerpt from a Life

These are journal entries from the 70's when I was in grade 10. I had a huge crush on a fellow I nicknamed Chevy and I went on a diet in hopes that he would like me.
Feb 17, 1975
"Boy, Chevy was really colorful today. He wore a purple top with a yellow shrink and these blue tweedy pants. It didn't look too good. Chevy's kinda skinny but it doesn't really matter."
Feb 26, 1975
"Didn't go to school. Same old thing again."

Feb 27, 1975
"Didn't go to school. Mango came over in the evening. Talked alot."
Feb 29, 1975 Saturday
"Well, Mango's off to a hockey game and I have to stay home because of my illness!"

March 24, 1975
"Well, I'm 140 lbs.

March 25, 1975
"Karen and I went to the cafeteria. Laurie and JoAnne were already in there. Laurie was mad because Chevy was watching them. His whole table was.
Karen sat beside Laurie and there was no place where I could sit where I could see Chevy so I just stood there. I was looking for him but couldn't see him. Then I saw him. He and his whole table got up and moved one table over, closer to ours it seemed to me.
I told Laurie that I had to talk to her so we walked out of the cafeteria. When we got back Karen said that Chevy watched me go out the door. I know its hardly anything but every little thing counts.
I am so sure that he likes me. Please!!"

An Excerpt from a Life

These are excerpts are taken from journals I kept as a teenager in the 70's. I had a huge crush on a fellow I nicknamed Chevy. I was overweight at the time and became convinced that he would like me if I lost weight.

January 8, 1975
I didn't go to school. I feel okay except I have to keep on spitting.

January 9, 1975
I still didn't go to school. Oh man, do I miss Chevy!

January 17, 1975
I went to school for the first time in a long time. I had a ball. Chevy is still super cute.

January 27, 1975
I hate exams!
I hate studying!
I just adore Chevy's eyelashes!
Laurie said she is proud of me cause I lost so much weight. She's proud? I'm bursting with it. When I'm slim, I just know Chevy will like me.

Excerpt from a Life

These journal entries, which I take out of the chest every Saturday, started in 1974. I had a serious crush on a boy I called Chevy and started losing weight in hopes of gaining his attention.

January 7, 1975
"I didn't go to school yesterday or today. I went to the hospital outpatients. I might have an ulcer in my stomach. I don't know for sure but I do worry about Chevy, losing weight...almost anything.
I weigh 160 lbs now. That's a loss of 25 lbs altogether. I'd say, I'm doing pretty good, wouldn't you?"

Excerpt from a Life

Join me every Saturday as I read from my old journals. I currently am remembering a lengthy teenage crush I had on a fellow student who I nicknamed Chevy. In today's account, I am talking to a new friend, Debbie, who had been in grade 9 with my secret love.

November 5, 1974
"In the afternoon, in the school library, Laurie and I asked Debbie if she knew of anybody by the nickname of Chevy. She said no. She sat thinking for awhile and then said Chevowsky. I walked out of the library in embarrassment. I didn't think she'd guess right.
I went back to the library and Laurie said that Debbie had said, "That creep!"
I kept on bugging Debbie not to tell anybody. She said she wouldn't. I asked her if Chevy was nice. She said,"I guess so" but she couldn't remember what he exactly looked like..."