Excerpts from a Life

On Saturdays, I write from the journals of Carol the teenager who had a huge crush on Chevy, lost weight to win him and didn't.

Oct 6, 1975
Chevy thinks I'm nuts or was. It makes me so embarrassed. Oh well, he got the last laugh. As long as I succeed in avoiding him, I'll by okay. But I can't think too deeply about it either.

Oct 8, 1975
I'm afraid of past eating habits! They haunt me all the time. I do yoga afterschool everyday for about 40 minutes. I hope my waist gets smaller.

Oct 11, 1975
I'm so scared, or I was, of going back to eating like a pig. I think I'll be okay. Stomach is kind sore. I haven't had my period for so long. I hope I didn't wreck that, too.

Oct 12, 1975
When Mango stayed overnight, she said that she didn't like Tony DeFranco (teen idol) anymore. Well, that goes for me too but I don't want to forget that period of my life. It was a stage of me growing up. Although posters still hang in my room, I feel no love or want for them. Yet, I can't seem to take them down, because it would be such a definite statement that I'm over that stage. Tony stands for all the crushes I had and went through. I can't bare to destroy those memories.

I'm glad I asked Chevy for his autograph. The only real contact we had- is there. When I'm older, I'll look back at it and remember how much it meant to me although it ended everything for him and about him in me. It will stand, like Tony, for crushes. I lost weight for him, he kept me on it. He was my goal, dream. Its still shining like a star, never to be reached.