I have been writing from the journals I kept as a teenager. So far I revealed the teenage crushes I had on magazine idols then on a real boy named Chevy. I lost weight hoping that he would like me back but alas, it was not to be. I switched my focus to keeping the weight I lost off.
This is Carol's story told a long long time ago.
December 4, 1975
Mango came over this evening and am I ever glad she did. We worked on the ballot. We talked over lots of things. She's still my "little friend" she always was. That makes me happy. Oh yeah, she said that her friends really look up to me. Man, that sure is nice to know. She said that it's like having Cheralynn W. (popular girl) for a friend. I realize that if I act happy (if I am that is), people seem to like me. I want to be accepted by all. I really do.
In typing, I'm always making these one-liners. Kathy S. always laughs. I love making people laugh.
December 14, 1975
Rlynne and Bob (my older sister's fiance at the time) fool around alot and I feel so jealous. I put on a pout, I think. I just can't fool around like that. It is just not me.
On Friday night, Mom said Rlynne as such a good figure. Jealousy raged in me.
Rlynne had her hair cut. It looks good.
Never did yoga yesterday. I feel as if it's not helping. I've got to keep it up.
January 1, 1976
Starting another new year.
I've got to always care about my health. Never eat like I used to.
Right now, I'm listening to Rlynne's record, "Phanthom of the Paradise." I like the line, "Give me back the gift of laughter."
"We were all born to die and that's the hell of it." How true.
I hate when I force myself to be funny. A little voice inside says, "Hey, I'm not thinking about food," and that ends it.
January 10, 1976
Went to "Tommy" last night. It's a real dynamic show, I loved it. Nancy, Laurie, Debbie, Rhona and I went together. Met Mango there, luckily. I sat beside her and she helped to explain what was going on. If I would've had my mood ring, it would've been blue for sure. I was smiling for happiness for the show. The last song, especially. Wow!
Stayed overnite at Nancy's with the rest (not Mango). None of them really cared for the show, especially Debbie. She was acting so peeved over it. F--- her. Blah on them all. Them with their brainwashed ideas slushed together in a slump. "If I laugh, you have to." If I don't think it's funny, why should I force a laugh or even a smile. I don't care for them. Blah! Bluch! I have to put on an act when I'm with them. Nancy gets so frustrated at any little thing; she's the biggest fraud of the bunch-trying to impress God knows who. Pretending to like me, thinking I'm the phony one.
When I'm with Mango, I can be me. If I don't feel like laughing, I don't feel like I have to. I can really be me! I love her. She's truly my best friend.
January 13, 1976
Yesterday, I told Mango she's my best friend. She was happy.
"I'm a sensation." I like that quote from Tommy, because it's true. "I am a sensation!"