Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The Thoughts Leave upon Examination

Sometimes I am anguished by thoughts that I am not good enough. Today as I listened to this familar refrain, I asked, exactly in what ways do I feel this way?

We were visiting with my in-laws yesterday. My Sister-in-Law is an excellent hostess while my Husband and I prefer to spend our free time with our children. Do I want to do entertain? Is there time as I work on Saturdays, the major entertaining day of the week?
I think about the time I spend with my own friends. We gather once a week and take turns hosting. At these times, I excel. Perhaps, I already have what I think I lack.

Again, this same Sister-in-Law is a great conversationalist. I envy people who converse well. I am a quiet person usually, except to a select few, of which you are a part. What can I do to get better at this? Confidence, I have been told. It is true that if I am anxious, I clam up and words come awkwardly. Relaxed, I am intelligent and self-assured, holding my own in a debate or friendly banter. Perhaps, I have most of what I need.

Again, dear Sister-In-Law is a world traveller while I am afraid to go on a plane or even cross the mountains. We do not have the funds to be jet-setters but we appreciate the area of the world where we live. I also enjoy movies and books of different cultures and meeting people with different points of view and backgrounds. Perhaps, being content is enough.

I am not my Sister-in-Law; I have my own interests and priorities. I can improve in areas if that is what I desire. Admiration doesn't have to lead to jealousy or beliefs of inferiority.

I am getting there.

7 comments:

David Edward said...

hi carol, you really don't like planes? thats interesting. I love traveling but also love digging into a good book at home. Right now I am reading Frank Perretti's, The Visitation. good so far i am on chapter 11 after one night

Unknown said...

There are many books to help you out. "The Art of Conversation" is one of them.

I think you're plenty good enough the way you are.

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

After I had the stroke, I spent a few years in rehab, re-learning how to talk, walk, and read. I was REALLY self-conscious about everything! I went from a law-firm to a room where a lady would work with me on how to say "colors". Eventually, though, I got over it and took control of my life.
You shouldn't be bothered at all! You have gathered together a group of people from all around the world! I don't think that you should be downing yourself. :)
Andrew
p.s. - you should see our house now if you think you have problems!

L'envoi said...

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man

-- Hamlet, A1,S3

When Moses (not being an orator) wanted to pass the burden of speaking to the Pharoah onto Aaron (Exodus 4:10), God said otherwise.

Be true to God first how you serve Him. If He wants you to be a Zig Ziglar, He will let you know in no uncertain terms (Exodus 4:11).

Reflect on the gifts you possess, and thank God how you have used them to nurture and support your husband, family, and others.

Your sister-in-law may be good and at what she does. She is not you, Nor you she.

Carol said...

Thanks David,
I do not like planes, really. Although this is a rather new phobia. I am going to get over this. I am going to get over this...

Thanks Barbara,
I am adding that book to my book list but who writes it?

Thanks J. Andrew,
You would know about pushing yourself to overcome setbacks. I am so proud of you and know that I can do(and am already doing) likewise.

Thanks L'Envoi,
So true. I will do that!

You all make me :)

Fred said...

Well, it seems to me you've got everything under control. While SIL sounds like a wonderful person, you're headed down the path that makes you happy.

Who knows, maybe she has all those things and is miserable? What good is that?

Carol said...

Thanks Zeb,
I also have to remember what the Bible says about being quiet.
Pro 17:27-28 "He that spareth his words hath knowledge; And he that is of a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise; When he shutteth his lips, he is esteemed as prudent."

Thanks Fred,
I know everyone is different and I am learning to slowly appreciate my uniqueness.
As you said, it is not always evident what is going on inside.
I sure am pleased to have you visit.