Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The Thoughts Leave upon Examination

Sometimes I am anguished by thoughts that I am not good enough. Today as I listened to this familar refrain, I asked, exactly in what ways do I feel this way?

We were visiting with my in-laws yesterday. My Sister-in-Law is an excellent hostess while my Husband and I prefer to spend our free time with our children. Do I want to do entertain? Is there time as I work on Saturdays, the major entertaining day of the week?
I think about the time I spend with my own friends. We gather once a week and take turns hosting. At these times, I excel. Perhaps, I already have what I think I lack.

Again, this same Sister-in-Law is a great conversationalist. I envy people who converse well. I am a quiet person usually, except to a select few, of which you are a part. What can I do to get better at this? Confidence, I have been told. It is true that if I am anxious, I clam up and words come awkwardly. Relaxed, I am intelligent and self-assured, holding my own in a debate or friendly banter. Perhaps, I have most of what I need.

Again, dear Sister-In-Law is a world traveller while I am afraid to go on a plane or even cross the mountains. We do not have the funds to be jet-setters but we appreciate the area of the world where we live. I also enjoy movies and books of different cultures and meeting people with different points of view and backgrounds. Perhaps, being content is enough.

I am not my Sister-in-Law; I have my own interests and priorities. I can improve in areas if that is what I desire. Admiration doesn't have to lead to jealousy or beliefs of inferiority.

I am getting there.


David said...

hi carol, you really don't like planes? thats interesting. I love traveling but also love digging into a good book at home. Right now I am reading Frank Perretti's, The Visitation. good so far i am on chapter 11 after one night

Barbara said...

There are many books to help you out. "The Art of Conversation" is one of them.

I think you're plenty good enough the way you are.

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

After I had the stroke, I spent a few years in rehab, re-learning how to talk, walk, and read. I was REALLY self-conscious about everything! I went from a law-firm to a room where a lady would work with me on how to say "colors". Eventually, though, I got over it and took control of my life.
You shouldn't be bothered at all! You have gathered together a group of people from all around the world! I don't think that you should be downing yourself. :)
p.s. - you should see our house now if you think you have problems!

L'Envoi said...

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man

-- Hamlet, A1,S3

When Moses (not being an orator) wanted to pass the burden of speaking to the Pharoah onto Aaron (Exodus 4:10), God said otherwise.

Be true to God first how you serve Him. If He wants you to be a Zig Ziglar, He will let you know in no uncertain terms (Exodus 4:11).

Reflect on the gifts you possess, and thank God how you have used them to nurture and support your husband, family, and others.

Your sister-in-law may be good and at what she does. She is not you, Nor you she.

Carol said...

Thanks David,
I do not like planes, really. Although this is a rather new phobia. I am going to get over this. I am going to get over this...

Thanks Barbara,
I am adding that book to my book list but who writes it?

Thanks J. Andrew,
You would know about pushing yourself to overcome setbacks. I am so proud of you and know that I can do(and am already doing) likewise.

Thanks L'Envoi,
So true. I will do that!

You all make me :)

zeb said...

The wise note the silent while fools flock to the verbose. If you have something important to say,speak up otherwise it might be better to listen

Fred said...

Well, it seems to me you've got everything under control. While SIL sounds like a wonderful person, you're headed down the path that makes you happy.

Who knows, maybe she has all those things and is miserable? What good is that?

Carol said...

Thanks Zeb,
I also have to remember what the Bible says about being quiet.
Pro 17:27-28 "He that spareth his words hath knowledge; And he that is of a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise; When he shutteth his lips, he is esteemed as prudent."

Thanks Fred,
I know everyone is different and I am learning to slowly appreciate my uniqueness.
As you said, it is not always evident what is going on inside.
I sure am pleased to have you visit.

zeb said...

Who can argue with that?