In the last year, I have been working hard to overcome anxiety and have succeeded in many ways. I have tools now, some which have become second nature. Like:
-thinking of solutions instead of dwelling on the problems. Sometimes I still persist in the anxiety for a couple of hours or even days but eventually I remember to be objective.
-doing a scheduled worry time.
-relaxing my body which becomes very tensed when I am anxious.
-praying which helps me to remember the toolchest.
I am glad that anxiety is not the normal state anymore. I have examined my core beliefs that lead me to worry. I have learned my body's signals that warn me of the worry zone. I know that I am able to deal with anything that may arise or if not, I have access to Someone that does.
The evening was pleasant as we watched television after a day of work. My husband even gave me a half hour foot massage. The children were happily getting along. We are healthy and safely at home together.
Yet there is an undercurrent of anxiety. I haven't felt it for several months now so the sensation is unfamiliar which makes it even more disturbing.
"What is the matter?" I know I have to face the worry.
Blogging caused part of the anxiety this evening. I felt that I had nothing to say and am not a good enough writer. Feelings of inadequacy reappear. I hate this feeling, but it is here regardless. I have to deal with who I am right now. This isn't going to go away quickly.
I feel a need for affirmation but I am learning that I am the one who has to give myself words of encouragement. This is a hard and long lesson.
My health is a common concern. Being in my forties has been difficult physically. My latest concern is of a heart attack. I am holding off visiting my doctor for fear that I will appear a hypochondriac even though I have symptoms that I would like further addressed.
I also have a sore foot, hence the foot massage. Sigh.
I am not socially skilled and sometimes I am bothered by that. I want people to like me but know I have to learn to risk and not be afraid of mistakes or of being rejected. This includes creatively as well.
There I feel better now. Those tools really do help.