In the last year, I have been working hard to overcome anxiety and have succeeded in many ways. I have tools now, some which have become second nature. Like:
-thinking of solutions instead of dwelling on the problems. Sometimes I still persist in the anxiety for a couple of hours or even days but eventually I remember to be objective.
-doing a scheduled worry time.
-relaxing my body which becomes very tensed when I am anxious.
-praying which helps me to remember the toolchest.
I am glad that anxiety is not the normal state anymore. I have examined my core beliefs that lead me to worry. I have learned my body's signals that warn me of the worry zone. I know that I am able to deal with anything that may arise or if not, I have access to Someone that does.
The evening was pleasant as we watched television after a day of work. My husband even gave me a half hour foot massage. The children were happily getting along. We are healthy and safely at home together.
Yet there is an undercurrent of anxiety. I haven't felt it for several months now so the sensation is unfamiliar which makes it even more disturbing.
"What is the matter?" I know I have to face the worry.
Blogging caused part of the anxiety this evening. I felt that I had nothing to say and am not a good enough writer. Feelings of inadequacy reappear. I hate this feeling, but it is here regardless. I have to deal with who I am right now. This isn't going to go away quickly.
I feel a need for affirmation but I am learning that I am the one who has to give myself words of encouragement. This is a hard and long lesson.
My health is a common concern. Being in my forties has been difficult physically. My latest concern is of a heart attack. I am holding off visiting my doctor for fear that I will appear a hypochondriac even though I have symptoms that I would like further addressed.
I also have a sore foot, hence the foot massage. Sigh.
I am not socially skilled and sometimes I am bothered by that. I want people to like me but know I have to learn to risk and not be afraid of mistakes or of being rejected. This includes creatively as well.
There I feel better now. Those tools really do help.
4 comments:
Your writing is fine. You should never have to worry about that. I have feelings of inadequacy all the time. I never feel that I am good enough or can ever be good enough. When I was younger there was a certain person or persons that only affirmed every ill feeling I had about myself, so they never seemed to go away. And there are still people today that continue to affirm those feelings, though I'm not sure that they're aware of it. I'm getting better with my own social skills. I still feel anxious sometimes in public, but once I get going, I'm fine. Though I think a lot of people are freaked out by my eerie silence.
Cuz, I know I am not alone but it means a lot to have someone say it along with me. You are a pal.
Zeb, I really appreciate your words of wisdom. I am feeling better today though.
It is difficult to remain silent on my blog though:)
I have found that avoiding the underlying issues makes things worse for me. Taking appropriate action has, so far, been the best remedy. But, well, you know how easy that can be sometimes.
A tool I use, culled from a book called "Mind Over Mood:" I identify the thoughts I am having and what they might imply about me or the future, and pick one or two that are giving me the greatest anxiety; I list evidence that does and does not support the thought(s); I revise the thought(s) to something a little more realistic and balanced. At this point, I find taking action to be much easier and better-directed. Your examining of your core beliefs sounds very similar.
No one tool works every time, for every thing. I am accruing quite a functional arsenal, lately. As an example, I've recently identified shame and guilt as big sources of anxiety for me, and have found some ways to work specifically with those feelings. If I can pass anything on that might be of use to you - tools, reading, the like - let me know; I'd love to share. You have my contact information.
Regarding health - see a doctor; there is nothing wrong or shameful in that, and it may ease some concern or, alternately, allow you to deal with any problems that might be present.
Zeb-It is easy to be misunderstood in all situations. I appreciate what you are saying and I hope you won't stop writing.
Moira-I too have found that facing the anxiety is the first important key. It is like talking to the child in me. I need to be able to listen attentively when she needs to be heard.
Also,I haven't heard of that book and will put it on my list.
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