I watched an Alfred Hitchcock television show recently. It revolved around the concept of infatuation and its' eventual disappointment. I don't want to be a spoiler so I won't say anymore...
It made me think though, back to the days of teenage crushes. I was very boy crazy and loved cute faces. I believed the teen magazine impersonations of adolescent boys. It seems funny to me now that I did not find it odd that these teen idols all had the exact same personalities. I filled in the empty spaces with my own dreams and believed the signatures that said they loved me too.
I came to replace these paper idols with the boys next door, secretly watching and admiring. Still I believed that they had the same personalities assigned to them. I was too shy to learn the truth.
One day, I was forced to face the shattering reality that the person I loved was my own creation. He was not real. It brought me crashing into the adult world.
In a way, I am only starting to come to terms with the difference between perception and the inner reality. There is still a tendency to believe the projected image but I am learning that a strong sense of observation can prevent being defrauded by the confidant act of another. This outward attentiveness to what is really going on rather than the inner musings on what I want or feel I should see enables me to live more realistically with others.