Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Mood: discouraged

Ask why:
A co-worker wondered what I do all day since I only work two shifts. I didn't feel like elaborating. Her question made me doubt my productivity as all I really want to do is write. Perhaps I have been overindulging.

Work is busy after a long weekend.

I feel like I should be always positive but I am not. Sometimes I just want to isolate.

The words that hurt the most are when I tell myself, "I am not good enough."

The reality is I am obsessed with writing. The good part about this is that it is helping me. I am still getting the essentials done. My family is not complaining.

Most people are used to running at full speed. Stress is dangerous to our minds and bodies. Not everyone can understand the people that prefer to live a de- stressed life.

The lab is a busy place. I want to be a good team player and not take conflicts personally.

I can not be positive all the time. There might be people who can but I have to accept where I am right now.

I am good enough!

"I have a wonderful life", I say as a bell tinkles.


cuz said...
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cuz said...

God promises a stress free life if we put our trust in Him. People ask me the same questions. What do I do when I'm not at work? It's like they can't accept that I'm a writer and I write and it consumes most of my free time. By the way, you would be proud of me. I've updated my blog everyday for almost a week now. It's actually kind of fun. Especially since I changed the format of it, and it's not so restricting.

moira said...

I am sorry your coworker felt the need to question your personal choices. It was a very bad lapse of manners, respect, and consideration, and that is all. It reflects more on her state of mind than on you.

When my husband or I are asked about certain TV shows and answer that we don't own a TV, we invariably get this response: "What do you do?" Sometimes people get so focused on the way they live their lives that they find it difficult to imagine any other way of living; it is as if there must be nothing but void to take the place of all that busyness and noise. So, put it down to lack of imagination and experience.

We live life more wholly when we make decisions that are congruent with what is important to us. We make incredible advances when we break away from the mindless rut and strive for something more meaningful to us. The growth of the mind and spirit is not necessarily a highly valued process in today's society, but it takes no less effort and time than putting in a 9-5 job. The rewards reaped, though, are phenomenal.

When you are happy, healthy, and whole you are a better mother and wife. Remember your second post on selfishness back in March? You used the analogy of the mother and child on a plane with oxygen masks. "Sometimes there is a tendency to discount taking care of our own needs because it is seen as selfishness. If this happens, people will not be able to cope with their lives. There is a need for balance between self and others."

I can't think of anybody who is positive all the time, but it is the negative self-talk that holds us down the most. Coming from anybody else, that statement would be absolutely, outrageously abusive. Not to mention (self)sabotaging and non-productive. I do understand, though; I put myself through a litany of it every day. Not very nice of me, is it? You seem to be a very positive person in general. I think it won't be long before you've replaced that thought with something more affirming, such as, "I am good enough, and this is why:" or, as my husband encourages, "I am good enough, period." Because you are. You are a part of God. Judge yourself accordingly.

If you want to isolate, well, honor your need for quietude and alone-time, but don't forget to come back out. We social creatures cannot thrive alone. I am learning this, too.

Carol said...

Thank you for understanding and responding.

CS said...

I relate 100% to this. I too want a de-stressed life where I can write. The closer we get to what God built us for, the happier we will be.

zeb said...

How can you have positive without negative?