A Visit to Tara

in disarray,
your heart throbs
for tranquil kind thoughts

but stocking magazine mansions
with Chinese porcelains
and marble Athenas
will not satisfy
tomorrow

The Magus

A long time ago in 1982, I read a book by John Fowles titled "The Magus". At the time, I was heavily into tarot cards and found that the different roles of the cards came alive within this book. I was intrigued by analyzing this book and spent a lot of time with it. I must say though that today my philosophy differs somewhat from that which I discovered in this book.

When I read RDL's blog, When I Grow Up, I was amazed to read her request for someone to give her a book report on it. Finally, after all these years, my effort will be put to use. Here's for you, RDL...

The Magus

a book review

This novel is about the journey each man must take-the journey of the inexperienced Fool, of the Major Arcana(Tarot), existing only in the physical plan of consciousness into a man existing in harmony with his subconscious and conscious desires, being so aware of both, that they become one.

Urfe is the Fool of this novel, bound by earthly pleasures and unaware of the true love he desires , ie the love that exists in Alison, a girl he leaves for Greece. However, in Greece he meets the Magus, (Magician), Conchis, who helps him see what he couldn't see before- ie the unseen, his subconscious desires.

Urfe begins to understand what reality is-endless interactions. The masculine view is to see as objects whereas the feminine view is to see the relationships between objects; both are true. The individuals are what make the interactions possible.

Each man must achieve the power to discern what he considers good, what he considers wrong in order to relate himself successfully. But first he has to step above his material ambitions and not be ruled by carnal conscious desires. The man who does not accept or have his own philosophy, will remain the Fool.

This novel is rich in mystical symbolism, hard to understand but harder to put down.

Talisman

That is me
hanging from the rear view mirror
Balancing Feather

A stranger asks
"how are you?"
I shake, smile
and answer
good
she smiles,
"me too"

Balancing Feather
falling from the rear view mirror

During service
He asks “Are you okay?”
he knows the signs
how I hunch forward off the back of the pew
fingers tapping
He asks,” Are you okay?”
No, I might have to go to the back
he makes a little space for me to pass
I hesitate then make my move
during the hymn
taking my briefcase, I head for the back
sometimes
I feel safer
with no one behind me
no one watching as I struggle for air

“I am Safe”
the unbalanced feather falls to the floor of the van

Driving home
someone follows
to make sure I arrive home safely
I watch her in the rearview mirror

I pick up the fallen feather
reinsert it
on the mirror.

Acts of One

I believe. I pray. Believing and praying is only the beginning of a relationship with God. I act, too.

I read. Books provide knowledge, motivation, and insight.

I learn. Through a variety of mediums, I hope to succeed one day in changing the paradigm of myself.

I write. Buddhism teaches that anxiety can be flicked away through the fingertips. I find this true as I quickly type.

I speak. It takes courage for me to say my thoughts aloud to people other than a chosen few. I perform with trepidation, bravely.

A woman from Toastmasters spoke in front of a large group of people. A stranger approached her afterwards and complimented her articulacy. She beamed as she related her experience as she has always been a quiet person. She crossed over successfully.

To me, her story showed that it is possible to trudge along day after day, unrecognized for the work you are doing, then suddenly be acknowledged.
I hope that someday, someone will come up to me and say, “You are a confident person” Or, “You were an example to me while I was growing up” Or, “Your writing stirred me.”
Or “Well done , good and faithful servant…”

Meanwhile, I have to just keep on going, one foot ahead of another, one word after another and hope for that success.

After Her Kind

Chatterers fly overhead
calling others to turn their eyes
upward to see their sky dances.
They promise, with no certainty.

These babblers search me with puzzled crests,
casually analyzing for entertainment.
Evading their curiosity,
I imagine a clever few

who sit upon flower boxes
with their backs to the crowd.
They notice me disappearing
from the multitude.

Flowers in their hands,
they pace impressions before approaching
the silent screamer.
Then we fade away in secrets.

Sweet Nothings

She married today.
I saw golden rings rotating around the Sun.
Startled children with opal eyes and stifled cries
tossed rose petals under her feet.

Well wishers uniformly gathered
in party dresses, suits and ties
hovered stunningly beneath her ivory wings,
reminders of their own sweet presence.

The Bride descended slowly
through the spiralling space of orchids
to the Groom who eagerly awaited
to see his image in the mirror of her eye.

(What I find amazing is when I find a photo that
so aptly illustrates a poem I wrote.
To see more, go to Friedericy Dolls)

Remember My Life Insurance Scare...

As you might recall, four weeks ago I had a unsettling call from my Insurance broker. She informed me that my request to be insured was denied. (My husband and I are already insured but the premiums have gone up with our age so we decided to check out another company.) She stated that this was unusual and I went into worry mode, fearing the worst.

I sent an email to the Insurance Company requesting that a letter stating the reason I was refused be sent to my Doctor. I didn't see my Doctor until ten days later when she finally received the letter from the Insurance Company.

However when I visited my Doctor , she couldn't locate the letter but told me that she remembered it and that the insurance company had denied me because of kidney disease. I was stunned because I am on lithium, which has the potential to harm the kidneys. I was a mess all weekend.

Then on Tuesday of the following week, I could wait no more and called for another appointment. By then I had done a lot of Internet research and was convinced that not only did I have kidney disease but I might undergo renal failure at any moment.

At that Tuesday appointment, I was about to list my symptoms to her when she confessed that she had mixed up my insurance letter with someone else's. I do not have kidney disease and she doesn't know why they would refuse me for there was nothing in my charts to warrant it.
I laughed, would you believe? I didn't even care that she had made a mistake! I am healthy!

As it has been my long term plan to cut back on Lithium and eventually be Lithium-free anyways, I am now on the low dosage of 600mg/day. I have 2 healthy kidneys that I want to keep happy.

Unexpectedly

White cotton and pink lace

adorn the heroine

for another classic midnight fall

down spiral stairs.

Unexpectedly, she twists

and a backward gaze reveals

a robe sash caught on the rail.

In astonishment, she smiles.

How Well Do You Know Me?

I found this quiz on Barbara's blog. If you want to answer these questions for me, copy and paste into my comment section. I will be waiting to see your answers!

My name:
Summarize me in three words:
Where did we meet:
Take a stab at my middle name:
How long have you known me:
When is the last time that we saw each other:
Do I drink:
Am I happy:
Am I a good person:
What was your first impression of upon meeting me/seeing me:
What’s one of my favorite things to do:
Am I funny:
How do you make me smile:
What’s my favorite type of music:
Have you ever seen me cry:
Can I sing?:
What is the best feature about me:
Am I shy or outgoing:
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
Do I have any special talents:
Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what):
What is my favorite food:
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:
What’s your favorite memory of me:
What is my worst habit:
Have you ever had a dream about me? If so, what?:
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing I would bring?
Are we friends:
Do I believe in God?
Am I family oriented?
Who is my best friend?
Will you repost this so I can do it?