Comments on A Revision: Pretty Women

its nice to come here to find there is story waiti...

2007-01-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

its nice to come here to find there is story waiting to be read ..sure will be back

yay,, i found something new to read online ( and h...

2006-09-21T09:35:00.000-06:00

yay,, i found something new to read online ( and healthy, too)

Thanks Pearl, I really appreciate your comments an...

2005-07-12T12:14:00.000-06:00

Thanks Pearl, I really appreciate your comments and suggestions!

You've got great richness of details of images and...

2005-07-12T10:44:00.000-06:00

You've got great richness of details of images and people and keep us in touch with the story through common threads like the limp reminding us of what came before, the image of Glynnis as beautiful seen by a second set of eyes. Very interesting look at what it is to be strong, to be female, to be a strong female, what the image of wise strength is. The Jolene character is very admirable but at the same time with the tremble in the hand of Glynnis and her route a affirmations and the context of her husabnd, she too is a deep character. Well done.

Some minor linear things, I might suggest a flow movement because Jolene came into the story unexpectedly and with three female characters the she got a bit ambiguous for me. If you shuffled a couple lines that resolves itself.

--
Jolene was a fit girl of fifteen who carried her large frame well, her stomach protruding proudly over her size 36 skateboarder denims. Her black hair curled at her shoulders from under a khaki cap. She was speeding down the street on her green and black girl- skateboard. Glynnis backed her blue BMW cabriolet out of the driveway while applying fresh rumbleberry lipstick to her threaded lips.
--

By the time Jolene arrived home, she was livid. She examined her skateboard...Or she thought the board wasn't damaged and when she realized how badly it was she became livid?

--
I hear enough from that woman. [thought she liked her?] besides she is my favorite client and I don't want to cause trouble."[why would it cause trouble?] I'm a bit foggy on Marie and might like to see a paragraph more introducing her and where her aetehtician practice is set up.

Strong ending. Love the self-acceptance of Jolene looking in the refection at the marketed image of femininity and defining it for herself.

Hi Carol,I got your message. I want to sit down an...

2005-07-06T06:53:00.000-06:00

Hi Carol,
I got your message. I want to sit down and have a proper look at it but I won't have time until at least the 12 or 13th to do so when I'm back to non-paying connections. I appreciate your wanting my opinion.

K8-hope you got a chance to read the story. It is ...

2005-07-05T12:48:00.000-06:00

K8-hope you got a chance to read the story. It is longer than my other posts, for sure.
Hick-Of course, I am glad you dropped in.
L'Envoi,Allisino and Zeb-I wasn't really planning on another installment, but after your encouragements, I am working on chapter 2.
Trisha-I am very grateful for the positive responses. Thanks.

I really, really like this story, and, more than t...

2005-07-04T12:31:00.000-06:00

I really, really like this story, and, more than that, your writing. I love this style, and I, well, just love this.

Love.

I agree with Allisino, I want to read more. I don'...

2005-07-04T01:27:00.000-06:00

I agree with Allisino, I want to read more. I don't really know what kind of writing this is. Is it satire or a prose/poetry mix? I don't really care though, I just know I like it. This could even be a new style of writing. I encourage the author to continue and to relax into this new mode of self expression .The football has dropped into your hands, all you have to do is run with it. Maybe this time next year we will all be able to pick up a copy of this work at our local Chapters
a fan
Zeb

Wow, I honestly didn't want this story to end. Re...

2005-07-03T01:21:00.000-06:00

Wow, I honestly didn't want this story to end. Really enjoyed the subtleties, the movement among the characters, the exposing of superficiality.. I do hope to see more, although it works well as is. Thanks for inviting me to read this, enjoyed it muchly :)

I came across a comment you made on "How Not To Gu...

2005-07-02T07:48:00.000-06:00

I came across a comment you made on "How Not To Guide to Parenting..." so, I hope you don't mind my dropping in. I read your draft and you certainly kept my interest. Complicated characters.

Thanks for inviting me to read the story. Though t...

2005-07-02T00:48:00.000-06:00

Thanks for inviting me to read the story. Though the female pursuits of beauty escape me, this is creating writing indeed.

To the extent my interest is sustained, I will follow the twist and turns of the story as it develops.

L'Envoi

i will read it sometime this weekend!

2005-07-01T20:37:00.000-06:00

i will read it sometime this weekend!

Thanks Elle for the encouragement. Everyone visit ...

2005-07-01T19:34:00.000-06:00

Thanks Elle for the encouragement. Everyone visit Elle's blog to read her story of Rosa!

Cjara, yes, I would very much like to hear the technical details.

Ok. From the point of view of an ex-writer, avid-r...

2005-07-01T16:06:00.000-06:00

Ok. From the point of view of an ex-writer, avid-reader and bookwormseller... I like it.

If you want technical details let me now.

I like it!! You really drew me in!! So what does J...

2005-07-01T14:18:00.000-06:00

I like it!! You really drew me in!! So what does Jolene say?? Next chapter please.....
;)